


Stole The Show

by socksaregoodshit



Series: Stole The Show series [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi is a ballet dancer, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Self Harm, Daichi walks in a stops it, Dancing!, Developing PTSD, Iwaizumi is also a ballet dancer, Kenma's just there for the ride, Kuroo and Bokuto are both acro-dancers, M/M, Major Character Injury, Moo's gonna kill me for that, More angst, Night Terrors, Oikawa likes Latin and rhythm, Panic Attacks, Sexual content bitches, Suga likes pop, They all love dancing, ayyy, but not the type you're thinking of, there will be blades, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-02-06 15:19:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 34,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12820365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/socksaregoodshit/pseuds/socksaregoodshit
Summary: "Mama, I want to be a dancer!" He said, standing to walk to the woman perched on the couch with knitting needles in her hand."It's a very difficult sport, Koushi," she reasoned, if her son really wanted to dance then she wouldn't stop him, but they weren't well-off enough to afford lessons if he wasn't going to stick at them, "you will fall, you will fail, but can you always get back up?"The boy was silent for a moment before responding, "I'm your son, mama, I'd never give up on something I loved."Her heart warmed and she smiled proudly, she traced her fingers through his hair, brushing his unruly bangs from his face."Very well!" She said, her hands finding his ticklish spot on his ribs and pulling him close before scratching lightly. Koushi squealed in delight and halfhearted protesting, he continued to laugh as she pulled him closer into a hug. "We can go to the church hall tomorrow and sign you up!"





	1. Solo Artist

The house lights dimmed as the music began, forcing the audience to gaze onto the polished white marble floor in the centre of the room. Small lights illuminated the stage, an opalescent pink and smokey white filtering through the mist filling the ground and adding an ethereal effect to the room. 

A tall and well dressed man glided into focus, his movements so fluid that he appeared to be floating. He turned to face the direction he had just came from, outstretching his right hand. 

The audience failed to notice the second presence in the scene before them until a white gloved left hand touched the man's, firmly grasping and pulling themselves into a waiting embrace. 

The pair released themselves as the melodic voice trickled down into the room, standing to face one another before falling into a waltz. The woman's flowing, snow-white gown flitted around their legs as they danced, following the ebb and flow of the music, the vocals harmonising with their steps. 

Progressively, the dance became more aggressive and fast, more filled with sparks of lust. The audience remained silent, entranced by the display of power sharing before them. 

The dance began to lose pace, the pair spinning across the floor during a lull in the vocals, soft piano playing out. They made their way back to where they had begun their dance as operatic gospel grew steadily louder. 

The duo danced where they were, the woman being carried under the man's arm before being brought back into his chest. She then pushed his firm body away, the gospel reaching it's climax before petering out.

Audience members were silent, still mesmerised by the scene they had just witnessed. The house lights slowly raised once more and the dancers stood in centre stage, the raucous cheers and a tidal wave of clapping and floral gifts swamping the stage as the judges gave their scores. 

In a house only a few miles away from the dance hall, a young boy sat on the centre rug, glued to the telelvision set. The living room pasted in the blue backlight from the TV. 

The boy watched with amazement.

"Mama, I want to be a dancer!" He said, standing to walk to the woman perched on the couch with knitting needles in her hand. 

"It's a very difficult sport, Koushi," she reasoned, if her son really wanted to dance then she wouldn't stop him, but they weren't well-off enough to afford lessons if he wasn't going to stick at them, "you will fall, you will fail, but can you always get back up?" 

The boy was silent for a moment before responding, "I'm your son, mama, I'd never give up on something I loved." 

Her heart warmed and she smiled proudly, she traced her fingers through his hair, brushing his unruly bangs from his face. 

"Very well!" She said, her hands finding his ticklish spot on his ribs and pulling him close before scratching lightly. Koushi squealed in delight and halfhearted protesting, he continued to laugh as she pulled him closer into a hug. "We can go to the church hall tomorrow and sign you up!" 

 

 

What Sugawara told his mother that day became his mantra, as he grew up his skill increased. A glass cabinet was erected in the hallway to display his awards and trophies, spanning from certificates to medals, badges to trophies. 

He fell many times, he often came home from dance with bruising and pulled tendons. 

But he always went back into the fray to finish what he had started. 

Now it was time for his next challenge. 

His heart pounded in his chest, the feeling making him grow more and more restless. Sugawara pressed a hand to his chest, willing for his heart to ease up on its unrelenting pace.

The choreography was perfect, fine-tuned down to a breath. 

Sugawara's application to a prestigious dance academy had been accepted. 

His dance tape had been accepted.

His grades met the entrance requirement. 

He'd wowwed the teachers in his interview. 

If he could ace the live performance then his scholarship would be accepted. 

Sugawara stepped out onto the parquet flooring, his nerves settling as he breathed deep. He'd be lying if he'd said that the other applicants' performances hadn't made him question his ability. 

He'd come too far to give up now. 

An electro-pop song came out over the speakers, reminding Sugawara that the two dancers before him, while the one with ebony curly hair framing high cheek bones had been graceful and elegant and the other with an unfair height advantage had had an aggressive and lustful performance. 

The drum beat became more pronounced as the song progressed, the tempo and volume raising before a synth-effect voice began to sing. 

Sugawara started with the basic footwork he'd thrown together for this first part, his steps fluid and seemlessly joining together. As the song reached the chorus and grew more energetic so did Sugawara's upper body, his arms popping and jerky movements of his torso. 

Like this he was able to show off his true flexibility, something which made the judges glance at one another. 

By the second verse and the chorus that followed the movements had switched. Sugawara's legs taking on the sporadic movements, his arms gracefully swaying around his head and body. His fingers gently caressing his face and running through his hair. 

He crossed the floor in a broad leap and into a spin as the music lulled. After a brief rest the song began a uniform beat once more, the voice singing about being addicted to pop culture despite acting like they weren't. 

Sugawara began stomping his feet in time with the beat, driving the ball of his left foot into the wooden floor. Even with his lack of attire the sound reverbarated through the hall as if his feet were adorned by heavy boots, his toes spread upon impact to lessen the pain. 

Instantaneously with the music's quickening pace, his feet slid across the floor into another spin, his right leg lifting in front of him parallel to the floor. He brought his foot down with a sudden, thunderous noise on the final note of the song. 

His breath came out in short bursts as he tried to regain his control. The adrenaline that was coursing through his body like a raging river making his heart pound. 

He'd done it. 

It was better than his rehearsals. 

Better than all of his practice dances. 

It was a flawless execution. 

Sugawara bowed to the judges before walking backstage, his face flushed as he was enveloped in a hug from his mother.

"Oh Koushi," she said, raw emotion making her voice crack, "you were so beautiful!" 

"Thank you, mama," he whispered, hugging her back tightly, "I could never have gotten here without you." 

"Sugawara-chan, was it?" The more flamboyant of the two competitors questioned, walking over to the mother and son. Sugawara wracked his brain to remember the name of the competitor in front of him. 

"Oh, yeah, that's me." He responded, glancing up at the taller man, his height really was unfair.

"Pleasure, I'm Oikawa Tooru and this is Akaashi Keiji," he motioned to the curly haired individual leaning against a balance beam. Oikawa looked Sugawara and his mother up and down before asking, "are you going for the scholarship?" 

"Y- Yes, I couldn't ask my mother to pay the fees after everything she's done for me already." Sugawara stammered out, not want to reveal their financial situation further. 

Oikawa made a small noise of approval but before he could continue his conversation the three judges; consisting of the school's director, head teacher and head dance teacher; entered the backstage area. 

"May I have your attention please?" The director requested, the three candidate dancers making their way over. "Firstly, I am honoured to be graced by such talented young men, this year we've had a lot of applicants, but you three were our chosen finalists." 

Sugawara had heard it all before, well, they'd probably heard it all before. Delaying the results to build tension, building their hopes only to be rejected and knocked down like an unbalanced tower of wooden blocks, each block precariously perched on the centre of gravity of the one below it. 

"Congratulations on making it this far; I wish you all the success in your future endeavors." 

Wait, did that mean none of them made it? Sugawara felt his heart plummet and he glanced to Akaashi and Oikawa to see their reactions. Not much better than him. 

"Oikawa Tooru," the director announced, "your rhythm inspired piece was truly amazing and passionate, we would be honoured to accept your application." 

Sugawara watched as Oikawa's features turned into relief and elation. 

"Akaashi Keiji, your performance held traditional ballroom and made it a solo piece utilising ballet, it was emotional and yet elegant and so we had no trouble with accepting your application." 

This time Akaashi remained composed, his face not betraying much of what he thought, but Sugawara could see the crease in his brow relax. 

"And Sugawara Koushi, you could tell that your dance sequence was well thought out and planned with unwavering precision." 

Here it was, his praise was different to theirs. 

He wasn't going to get in.

"With a bit of polishing you could definitely become a diamond in the rough, so we'd like to offer you the full scholarship so long as you continue to work hard and provide us with a reason to keep you here." 

What?

He'd actually gotten the full scholarship? 

"O- Of course, sir! You won't regret giving me this chance!"


	2. His Group

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've pretty much decided that with A Strange Boy, Stole The Show, and Venus Flytrap I'll upload chapter for a chapter. Every time I complete a chapter, I'll upload the next due chapter. 
> 
> I have a feeling that Venus Flytrap and Stole The Show will update more frequently, both only have chapter lengths of between 1500-2000 words, whereas A Strange Boy is around 5500 per chapter, and my latest endeavour, Hearts, will probably be somewhere within the same region.
> 
> As you can probably tell, I'm no dancer. I had to do compulsary dance and choreograph small 2 minute long routines roughly every two months during high school (LabradoriteHeart can vouch for that). I was more of a rugby and cricket kinda gal ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The next academic year found Sugawara placed in a dormatory with Oikawa and Akaashi. The three had exchanged contact details after the application process and requested to be in the same dorm, the logic being that they wouldn't be placed with anyone that could be weird. 

How wrong they were. 

Sugawara kicked open the dorm room door, boxes of clothes stacked high in his arms, covering his vision. 

A thump from behind the boxes made him startle. 

"Everything okay?" He questioned slowly, treading carefully to his bed; the one closest to the window and set the boxes down on his bed, turning around to see the origin of the noise. "Holy fucking shit." 

There on the bed across from his, Oikawa's if he remembered correctly, well at least he hoped it was Oikawa's because he didn't want to be a murder witness if it was Akaashi's, was Oikawa. Naked and mounted by what Sugawara could only describe as a brick shithouse. 

"Suga-chan!" 

"What the fuck, you said nobody would interrupt!" The brick shithouse reprimanded, Sugawara noted his bashfulness at being caught in such a vulnerable state. He almost felt sorry for him. Almost. 

It was a dorm shared by three people, what did they expect? 

"Hey, Oikawa, I can see you're busy with a stick up your ass so I'll leave you two alone." 

"W- Wait, give us five minutes, Suga-chan," Oikawa said, sheilding his face and trying to keep his rapidly falling modesty from freefalling any further, "we'll clean up and you can finish moving in, there's no recovering the mood now." 

"Damn right it isn't." Scowled the brick shithouse, now with a blanket draped over his body. 

"Just gonna throw it out there, then I'll leave," Sugawara addressed the brick shithouse, "never feel embarrassed to show off that body. Damn boy." 

And with that he fled from the room and into the hallway, catching Oikawa yelling something about keeping his grubby hands off. 

 

"Okay, so I think we should do a routine to God Is A DJ by P!nk for our assessment." Oikawa suggested. The trio were sat on the wooden floor of one of the many dance studios, bouncing ideas for their first group assessment. 

"The beat in that doesn't feel right," Sugawara reasoned, "the assessment criteria is to do a themed dance, God Is A DJ is a pop song which probably won't get us great marks because pop is sorta predictable?" 

"So you want to do something a little darker? I can do that." Oikawa grinned, reaching for his iPod. "I got this song right here." 

It took him seconds to find the song he wanted and the music device began playing a song that Sugawara had never heard before, Oikawa quickly joining him with the vocalist, his surprisingly melodic voice harmonising with the raw, rough voice of the female singer.

"If he loves you and you believe, chicka, chicka, drip drop on your knees. If he loves you when you're dead and gone, kissy, kissy, killer kitty, play along--" 

"Is this about your little escapade yesterday, Oikawa?" Sugawara interrupted, a wide smile splitting his cheeks, earning a gasp of indignation from Oikawa. 

"Suga-chan! You dirty minded fool!" 

"Why what happened yesterday?" Akaashi perked up, looking between the pair curiously. 

"Oikawa was breaking in the new dorm room bed," Sugawara explained, leaving Akaashi to piece together the mental image, "he sure knows how to pull a brick shithouse." 

This roused another sputter from Oikawa.

"A brick shithouse?! Don't talk about Iwa-chan like that!" By now, not even Oikawa's flawless makeup skills could hide the blush he was sporting. 

"Iwa-chan, eh?" Sugawara grinned devilishly. 

"Wait, you mean Iwaizumi-senpai?" Akaashi questioned, "the one doing contemporary ballet?" 

"He's older?! He's doing ballet?!" Sugawara couldn't believe what he was hearing. "With his build I was sure that he'd be in the street arts!" 

"Iwa-chan is just amazing~" Oikawa said, however, before he could continue a crash from the doors of the dance room drew the trio's attention. 

There, standing in the doorway, was a man who was built not unlike Iwaizumi, the tight, black dance leotard the man was wearing leaving nothing to the imagination. The main difference between him and Iwaizumi being his broad shoulders and spikey black and white hair. 

He looked like a deer in headlights, eyes wide and face flushed. 

"S- Sorry! I was told the room was free!" He stammered hurriedly, raising his hands in surrender before backing back out of the room. 

The three looked between each other will poorly concealed surprise and equally hidden amusement. 

"Any idea who that was?" Sugawara asked.

"Nope~ but Owl-chan was checking out Aka-chan~" 

"No, he wasn't." Akaashi was quick to deny any connection between the two. 

After a few beats a new song came on over Oikawa's iPod. A steady rhythm, short and fast bass tempo, and soft vocals. 

"This one!" Sugawara yelled almost immediately, grappling for the electronic device to turn up the volume. "It's perfect!" 

"Desperate Measures?" Oikawa questioned, cocking his head to the side and closing his eyes, listening to the tune. 

Sugawara jumped to his feet. 

"Yeah, it has a good beat. Watch." Sugawara began stepping forward and backwards in time with the music, adding claps and stomps wherever the beat was strongest. 

As the song continued to play out Sugawara began adding new foot patterns, side steps, circle steps, jumps, and kicks, continuing to clap in time with the drums. 

By the end of the second verse Sugawara had stopped clapping perfectly in time with the music, it had become sporadic and his arm movements had become more broad, his knees lifting higher. Before he knew it the song was over. 

"See?" Sugawara panted, wiping his forehead on his wrist sweat band. "When we have a short amount of time to choreograph it's best to choose a song with a good bass and drums." 

"You're awful," Oikawa bluntly stated, "how do you waste so much energy?" 

"Huh?!" Sugawara bit back, annoyed by the fact that Oikawa completely ignored his efforts. "Whatchu say?"

"You don't conserve your energy, look at you, a three minute song has you gasping for breath." Oikawa pointed out, standing up and making his way to Sugawara. "If you want to do longer routines, or multiple routines with less breathing time between them then you need to conserve energy." 

Oikawa's hand slapped Sugawara's backside, making the smaller man jump. 

"Sexual harrassment!" 

"You gotta tighten your muscles, Suga-chan, being all loose is just making it harder for yourself." 

"That's clearly not what you were doing yesterday." Sugawara quipped. "You were probably saved by the fact you were loose." 

"Ay!" Oikawa said, kicking the back of Sugawara's knee causing him to stumble. "Anyways," he said with a huff, "being loose means that you are wasting movement, your moves should be harsher, like you could cut fucking diamonds with whatever body part you utilise. Right, Aka-chan?" 

"Yeah, I can show you and Oikawa-san can direct your attention to my movement." Akaashi said, standing up, using Oikawa's iPod to YouTube a song from one of his previous dances. 

A rolling timbre of a voice leaked from the iPod, soft piano playing. 

Akaashi took his place in front of them, his head bowed. His arms slowly raised, his posture straightening as he rose onto his tiptoes and extended his arms upward. 

He lifted one leg and used the momentum to swing into a pirouette, leaping onto his extended foot and finishing the full rotation, his arms following through with the motion. 

Sugawara watched, mesmerised by the taut muscle and sinew on display. If Akaashi had been loose and slouching then the grace and elegant effect would be lacking, but he was tight, his posture rigid, his movements refined and not a second of time or energy was wasted. 

It looked as if he was slicing through the air with each movement, like a katana cutting through fine silks, the air seemed to ripple and fall around Akaashi. 

Sugawara didn't need Oikawa to show him where to look.

It was clear as day.

He was beautiful. 

All too quickly the song ended, Akaashi's movements ceased and Sugawara watched as his posture still never faltered, his breath hardly uneven, his skin only shimmering with a hardly visible sheen of sweat. 

The session continued with Oikawa and Akaashi directing Sugawara on his movements and posture. 

They had three weeks to make a successful choreography to a song.

They could smash it. 

 

 

The trio passed with flying colours, their first assessment went off without a hitch. 

Before they knew it the term had ended and Christmas came and went.

"It feels so good to be back in the dorms," Oikawa commented, folding his freshly washed and packed clothes. He'd been home over the holidays, they all had.

"Oh, yeah, you had your sister making your life a living hell, didn't you?" Sugawara asked, he'd been back the day before, cherishing the silence in the dorm, albeit feeling home sick. 

Akaashi had been quiet since returning, his body language displaying his discomfort.

"Yes! She's such a pain--" his rant was cut short by a knock on the door, causing the three of them to look up at one another and then to the dorm room door. 

Akaashi wordlessly went to open the door, pressing on the handle and pulling. 

It was Owl-chan. 

"May I help you?" Akaashi asked, his face devoid of emotion, his posture straight and betraying nothing. 

"I- I was wondering if, um, if you'd like to go and get--" 

"No, I apologise but I'm not interested." Akaashi quickly interjected, shutting down the man before him. However, his gaze faltered, even if just for a second, it betrayed his true emotions. 

"That's fine, that's totally fine, I should do this properly and fuck Kuroo." Akaashi's eyes widened, okay, so this man was just rejected by him and now he's going to go to someone else? 

The owlish man seemed to realise what Akaashi was thinking. 

"Oh! No! Kuroo's my roommate, but he's dating our other roomie. He told me I should be all sauve and just come after you, but you're not that type of guy," the man was panicking, his voice rising and lacking any control, his face burning, "my name is Bokuto Koutarou and I would like to at least know your name, if that's okay." 

"Akaashi Keiji, now goodbye." Akaashi was quick to shut the door on Bokuto, when he turned to face Sugawara and Oikawa he was met with two looks of disapproval.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to include the songs they've danced to in the first chapter, so I'm adding them here along side the songs for this chapter. 
> 
> \- First scene:  
> Angels - Within Temptation.
> 
> \- Suga's audition:  
> Pop Culture - Icon For Hire.
> 
> \- Oikawa's audition:  
> Bitch Came Back - Theory of a Deadman.
> 
> \- Akaashi's audition:  
> Applause - Sam Tsui Cover. 
> 
>  
> 
> And for the second chapter: 
> 
> \- Oikawa's songs:  
> God Is A DJ - P!nk.  
> He Loves You - The Pretty Reckless. 
> 
> \- Suga's song:  
> Desperate Measures - Marianas Trench. 
> 
> \- Akaashi's song:  
> Way Down We Go - Kaleo.
> 
> Find me in the void of Tumblr at TatsuhimeGajevy for updates and stuff


	3. Break A Leg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all, I'm sorry (not sorry). 
> 
> Okay, so anyone who's read my other stories will know I'm a sucker for angst; so don't think for a second that this one will be any different. 
> 
> On a serious note, the fourth paragraph is where the angst happens, it is pretty graphic and as someone with PTSD I want to stress that point, so incoming MAJOR CHARACTER INJURY.
> 
> I lied, the title is only scratching the surface of what happens, I'm sorry.
> 
> If you don't want to read the fourth paragraph then I'll do a brief summary at the end of the chapter.

Over the course of their first year, the trio had passed their respective exams, and all three were now well versed in one another's specialities. 

Their friendship had grown, and with it they had discovered a side of Akaashi that none of them expected to find. 

As it would turn out, the ebony haired dancer was a cuddler, with the right people. 

Bokuto still hadn't given up on trying to become Akaashi's friend, and over that first year Sugawara and Oikawa befriended the owlish boy and his two roommates. 

The second year was much the same as the first, building bonds with the other dancers, learning new techniques, and honing skills. 

"So what are we gonna do for the final assessment theme?" Sugawara questioned from his place on his bed. He was leaning against the wall and Akaashi was asleep beside him, his head on Sugawara's shoulder and his arms clinging to Sugawara's bicep. 

Oikawa was in almost the same position, perched on his bed, Iwaizumi's head in his lap as he played with the short spikes of hair. Kuroo and Bokuto were sprawled on the floor, glued to the movie on the television screen, their limbs tangled together, and Kenma was curled up, his back against Sugawara's bed and his face illuminated by the blue light from his phone. 

"Well we've been binge watching Disney movies for the past few days, trying to find songs that we can choreograph to." Oikawa said, his voice lacking its usual lilt and replaced by tiredness. "And we got nothing." 

"I wanna dance to Zero to Hero from Hercules!" Bokuto piped up, lifting his head to look at those on the beds. "It really has a good tempo for me to do my acro-dance to!" 

"At least one of us is sorted." Kuroo mumbled bitterly. 

"I reckon Oikawa should dance to He's A Tramp." Sugawara said with a grin. 

"Then you should dance to blooming Poor Unfortunate Souls!" Oikawa argued, pointing an accusing finger at is roommate. "I want to do a duet with Iwa-chan." He then said wistfully.

"No way." Iwaizumi stated matter-of-factly, sitting up from his resting place. 

"Why not, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa whined, shifting to sitting on his legs.

"Your dances are far too sexual for me to do." Iwaizumi reasoned, crossing his arms over his chest, scowling at Oikawa. 

"You weren't complaining about it being too sexual last night~" Oikawa purred, any further comments being cut off by Sugawara's sudden, loud chant of "la la la la". 

Akaashi was then jolted awake by the noise as Bokuto and Kuroo joined in, Oikawa continuing to whine about the noise that was drowning him out. 

The night continued to draw on in the same way, bickering over songs, movies, and inappropriate comments. Eventually the seven dancers drifted off to sleep, a tangle of long legs, arms, and loud snoring from Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa. 

 

The next three weeks were spent designing choreography, the seven friends sitting together and exploring different dance styles for their chosen songs. 

However, one dancer was not as involved with the group work, choosing to practice alone on the other side of the dance studio. 

Akaashi hadn't wanted to do the song he was allocated, but Oikawa and Sugawara had waited until the deadline to input a different song to the one he had chosen. 

Now he was going to be dancing to "Won't Say I'm in Love" from Disney's Hercules. 

And miffed didn't even begin to describe his feelings about the revelation. 

Akaashi danced and danced, being unable to change the song past the dealine, he had to dance until he could no longer walk. 

There was also another reason for him to be delving into his work load. The confusing feelings that he felt towards Bokuto, towards a man who just so happened to be dancing to "The Gospel's Truth", from the exact same movie. 

At first he had found that Bokuto's advances were annoying; but not unwelcome. He just didn't know how to respond to someone showing interest in him, the annoyance was more at his own ineptitude than Bokuto's behaviour. 

Having the interest of another person made Akaashi feel... special. 

He just didn't know how to react. 

Would accepting make him appear too easy? 

Was he even ready to dive into a relationship that he wouldn't know how to behave in a socially acceptable way? 

Would Bokuto reject him once he knew the truth? 

Would rejecting Bokuto be too harsh on both Bokuto and himself? 

There was one thing that he knew for sure, though. 

Not giving him a definite answer was cruel. 

But he felt like all that he could do was stall, until his heart and his head had ended their civil war, until he knew for sure what he wanted from Bokuto. 

Afterall, relationships were give and take, weren't they? 

Both parties had a goal to reach with the other half, right? 

Akaashi jumped into a pirouette, and then a leap. 

Apparently his body was opposed to his mind's overthinking and he flubbed the landing, his ankle jerking and his body crumpling from the lack of support. 

"Akaash!" Came an almost immediate cry. 

Bokuto was by his side in an instant, kneeling on the floor beside Akaashi and examining his ankle. 

"I'm fine..." Akaashi choked out, flinching away from Bokuto's touch.

"You're not," Bokuto's voice dropped, his usual playful tone replaced by a serious demeanour, one that Akaashi had never seen before, "your ankle's probably sprained. At least let me get you to the medical room." 

The other five dancers watched on with mild concern, not wanting to interupt the development in front of them. 

Bokuto took both of Akaashi's hands in his, clasping tightly. 

"Let me help you, don't keep pushing me away." 

He then pulled, easing Akaashi into a standing position and wrapping his arm around Akaashi's waist as support. 

Akaashi felt his cheeks warm and he ducked his head.

"Okay." He conceded. 

 

Bokuto had been right, Akaashi's ankle was sprained. 

Luckily enough Akaashi had gained enough points throughout the year to be able to pass, so for the remaining few weeks he accompanied Bokuto to the college's gym, watching him prepare for his final exam and giving him constructive criticism. 

The six dancers passed their second year, all with flying colours, while Iwaizumi graduated from his third year. The rest were now able to move onto their third and final year. 

The third year wasn't really a full year, it would be six months of creating draft choreographies, performing for teachers and changing the routine to reach it's full potential. 

Then at the end of it all, they would perform on a stage in front of independant assessors, who would give them their final grade, and their families. 

Sugawara couldn't wait to perform for his mother. 

The next five months were hard, Sugawara practiced and practiced, he drafted several completely different routines and with the help of his friends was able to whittle it down to just one. 

That one dance was then drafted five more times and practiced until Sugawara's feet were riddled with blisters.

Every night he soaked his feet before massaging talcum powder into his aching skin. 

Every night he went to sleep thinking of wanting to make his mother proud. 

He'd grown, after every fall he'd risen again, the time and money that his mother had invested into his happiness and joy had been worth it all. 

He was one performance from graduating. 

 

Sugawara nervously peered around the heavy crimson stage curtains, he'd noticed during the middle of Akaashi's performance that the scaffolding that held up the lighting rig had been tilting unevenly.

It made him feel queasy. 

So far the scaffolding hadn't moved, it was just tilting. Perhaps it was just hoisted wrong.

It didn't help that his idol, the dancer that inspired him to dance in the first place, was one of the judges for the event. 

As he watched Oikawa take to the stage, Iwaizumi proudly watching on from the audience where their families were sat. 

As Oikawa's performance began, something as passionate as the day they'd met, but with a more mature movement and precision. Sugawara's eyes met his mother's, a proud smile and teary eyes looked at him and waved discretely. 

A sudden loud screech, not unlike a poorly oiled lift shaft made Sugawara look up. 

The rigging was coming down. 

His first instinct was to call out to his friend who was lost in the crescendo of his musical piece. 

But instead he found himself running. 

Running to Oikawa. 

His hands coming into contact with Oikawa's torso, his palms and fingers splayed on the sinuous other dancer. 

And then all he could feel was consciousness destroying pain. 

Although apparently his body didn't get the memo to lose consciousness, because moments later he was opening his eyes, pinned between the floor beneath his chest, and his lower half pinned by the old, heavy lighting rig. 

He was disorientated.

He could hear voices (screaming?) around him, but it was all white noise.

He couldn't see much in his current position. 

All he could feel was seering pain that began to fade away into numbness as his leg lost circulation. 

He felt rolls and rolls of nausea hitting him as if he was a tiny fishing vessel in a vast expanse of ocean in Category 12 winds. 

"Suga!" Came a voice, but he couldn't see the person it belonged to, he tried to raise himself onto his elbows but two sets of hands kept him flat on the floor. 

"Suga, don't move, if your spine is damaged then moving will make it worse." 

"We need to get the truss off him, that thing is roughly a hundred kilos and it's just fell from at least thirty feet!" The stage director called, gathering together people to lift the rigging from Sugawara's leg. 

He screamed as the scaffold lifted slightly, leaving them no choice but to put it back in place.

"Someone call an ambulance!" A new voice called. 

Sugawara was momentarily distracted from the excruciating pain by gentle hands carding through his hair. He looked up as best as he could given his position, his eyes focusing on his mother's crying face. 

The tears were no longer of pride. 

She continued to sooth him, doting kisses onto wherever she could reach and running her fingers through his hair and lightly scratching his scalp. 

After an indistinguishable amount of time, Sugawara heard new voices, men dressed in green paramedic uniforms made their way into the hall. 

When did all the parents leave? 

The last thing Sugawara remembered was the sting of a needle in the crook of his elbow and the feeling of something being wrapped around his right thigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much, it's their final year, and the paragraph starts with Sugawara watching from backstage as Oikawa performs. 
> 
> He'd noticed the truss above the stage has been leaning, but so far it hadn't moved. 
> 
> THAT'S when it goes wrong, the truss falls while Oikawa is on stage and Sugawara goes to shout out and warn him, but instead he finds himself running forward and pushes Oikawa. 
> 
> He gets trapped under the truss.


	4. The Final Curtain Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hey, look at that, I hurled up another chapter. 
> 
> So this one is the beginning of Sugawara's recovery. The emotion is raw, there's also a graphic description of what happened to his body after the truss fell on him.

The first thing he was aware of was a monotonous beeping sound, slowly gaining in speed as he opened his eyes.

His head felt like it was full of cotton wool.

His eyes felt heavy. 

His body felt numb.

But he wasn't in pain.

As his surroundings came fully into focus he noted the sterile room, his eyes lazily rolled over the scene.

It was then that his hearing registered something other than the stats monitor tone.

Voices. 

They were faint, but he recognised one of them. 

"Mama..." he mumbled, trying to sit up but noticing the IV line next to his bed. 

As he swung his legs over the side of the bed, his eyes remained glued to the drip feed, he grasped the metal pole and moved to stand, his right leg touching the ground, followed by his left. 

What he didn't expect was to feel the cold tiles of the floor on his torso as he hit the ground, his IV toppling alongside him. 

The voices ceased and the door opened, his mother and a doctor coming into the room.

"Koushi!" His mother cried, rushing to his side and helping him up and back onto the bed with the help of the doctor. 

Once Sugawara was situated back into the hospital bed his mother moved to embrace him. 

He hadn't been coddled this way since he was a small child who'd fallen while attempting the quickstep.

In high heels. 

That were far too big for his still immature feet. 

A sudden, unbearable pain ripped up his right leg, his nerves felt like they were simultaneously set alight. 

He screamed in agony before looking at appendage causing him so much pain. 

Or lack thereof. 

No. 

There had to be a mistake.

He reached for the stump just above his knee, his hands pale and shaking, far too deathly to be his, surely. He grasped the cutt-off point only to be consumed by another agonising, white hot pain.

By now he was crying, but he didn't notice the tears as he looked at his mother's distraught face. 

She looked helpless. 

He felt his world crumble. 

"Koushi..." his mother practically whimpered, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed and removing his hands from the wound that he was still holding onto.

He hopelessly looked into her eyes. 

Pleading for an explanation. 

Pleading for safety. 

Pleading for it to be just a nightmare. 

Surely this wasn't real. 

His fingers slipped from his mother's grasp as he recoiled, his hands resting on his right thigh. 

He took a shaky breath. 

This had to be a dream. 

It HAD to be. 

His hands moved almost subconsciously, they always said to pinch yourself to check if you were dreaming, right? 

He once again grasped the bandaged stump and tightened his fingers into the raw and newly stitched wound before his hands were pulled away by his mother again. 

"Koushi, listen to me," she said, her voice slightly firmer, but her tone wavering, "do you remember when you were last conscious?" 

Sugawara furrowed his brow. 

"Of course--" 

Did he? 

He looked at their hands, thinking hard. 

"The final performance." 

"What do you remember from it?" She asked, moving to stroke his cheek, her thumb grazing over his beauty mark. 

"I- I remember watching the scaffold...it was leaning, I was scared it would fall..." His voice faded to a whisper as the next memory came surging back, he looked at his mother in anguish. "I- It did... It fell, I tried to save Oikawa, but it fell." The tears were flowing again, but this time he was aware of them and wiped them away. 

"The doctor wanted to be the one to tell you why they had to remove your leg from the knee down, is that okay...?" She asked pensively, meeting his watery gaze as well as the small nod that accompanied it. 

The doctor stepped forward, holding binding file in her arms as well as a clipboard. 

"Hello, Sugawara-san," the doctor started, "I understand that you've just woken up but I have to follow procedure and make you aware of what's happened, okay?" 

"Will I be able to dance?" Was the first thing that Sugawara asked, not answering her question. 

His mother and the doctor shared a glance. 

"Honey," his mother said, "you've had a lot of damage to your right leg, let the doctor explain what's happened and then you can ask any questions..." 

The doctor nodded her thanks. 

"When the paramedics found you, you had a stage truss trapping your legs," the doctor spoke slowly, picking her words carefully, "the school director made them aware that the truss had fallen thirty feet, and it weighed roughly one-hundred kilos." 

Sugawara knew that. Why the hell was she telling him this? 

"The paramedics needed to tourniquet your right leg mid-thigh to reduce the blood flow as a precautionary measure. Often in injuries like this there is a high risk of crush syndrome, which is where toxins are released into the bloodstream from damaged, or in your case crushed, skeletal muscle." The doctor paused, her eyes roaming Sugawara's face for any hints of emotion. 

All she could register was a dissociated stare. 

And her heart hurt for the young man before her. 

"You're lower leg was severely crushed, your knee had shattered and your tendons, which are responsible for allowing you to bend your leg, had snapped. Your fibia sustained an open displaced break."

The doctor placed a radiograph on the backlight, allowing Sugawara to see the extensive damage, his expression didn't shift from the defeated, glazed over eyes that had stared at her moments earlier. 

She took a deep breath to compose herself, feeling a substancial pressure weighing down on her from that blank stare. 

"Which, as the name suggests, was where your fibia had erupted through your skin and was no longer where it should be. And your tibia had an open comminuted break which, in layman's terms is the same as your knee. It was so damaged, and the risks of trying to repair it were far too great compared to the risks of removing it." 

"So you removed my leg without my permission?" Sugawara hissed, his lifeless expression turning to rage. "Was it that impossible to wait for me to wake up and ask me what I wanted to do?!" 

"Koushi--" 

"No! I'm furious! If it was just a goddamn breakage then why did my leg need lobbing off?! Now what am I going to do?!" He pounded his fists on the hospital bedding. "My whole life I've worked to dance! That was my entire career and future plan! I can't do that with one fucking leg, can I?!" 

He could feel the tears stinging his eyes, the moisture that he desperately tried to prevent escaping only growing and he cursed himself. 

He cursed himself for appearing so weak. 

He was bursting with anger, why was he crying?

"I want to be alone..." Sugawara bit out, crossing his arms over his chest. He noted how if Oikawa was here that he'd call him childish. 

Well tough, after what had happened he deserved to cry and scream. 

He waited until the doctor and his mother left, the latter sobbing silently into the handerchief she had embroidered herself. 

Only then did he allow his own tears to flow freely over his face. 

 

When Sugawara next focused on his surroundings the room was darker than before, his eyes shifted to the clock on the wall above the door and noting how it was only four in the afternoon. 

Then why was it so dark? 

A sound of hail hitting the window of his room made him realise. 

A storm made it darker. 

Sugawara didn't expect the knock on the door and the brunette male head peeking in. 

"Suga-chan..." Oikawa spoke softly. 

Sugawara fully expected Oikawa to be followed by their friends, but he promptly closed the door. 

His friend walked to his bedside and took a seat on Sugawara's right side. 

"I wanted to thank you," Oikawa started, making Sugawara meet his gaze, "you really saved my ass..." 

Sugawara looked away, how was he supposed to respond? 

He was bitter. 

He wanted to tell Oikawa that he wished he'd never pushed him out of the way. 

How he wanted his leg back.

But that would be a lie. 

He was glad that Oikawa was safe. 

He was upset that he had been injured. 

"Don't mention it," Sugawara finally said, "I didn't know I was running until I was on the floor anyway..." 

Long arms wrapped around his neck as Oikawa moved in to hug him tightly. 

"I haven't been able to sleep properly since the accident..." Oikawa whispered, his voice cracking, "I feel so guilty about being the reason that your career is over." 

Sugawara buried his head into the crook of Oikawa's neck, returning the hug with his own. 

"Hey," Sugawara said, drawing Oikawa's attention, "this won't be able to stop me. You watch, I'll be back, tearing up the dance floor with a badass prosthetic." The statement made the pair laugh, even if it honestly looked impossible right now. 

"Bagsy the first dance, then." Oikawa smiled, sitting upon the bed beside Sugawara. 

"Okay..." Sugawara mumbled, "unless I get myself a man, then it's his first dance."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using this story as an outlet for my own emotions, when I found out that my right leg was deformed it really hurt and it messed with my head for quite a while. 
> 
> I also just want to say that I'm using this story to help come to terms with my own PTSD, from here on out that will be a recurring theme. But I will include the relevant warnings as and when they're needed per chapter. 
> 
> Mental illness is ugly and people who glorify it, or make it look romantic are going to have a rough time with me. My stories will all approach the ugly part of mental health issues, Sugawara won't magically get better. Nobody does.


	5. An Encore?

Sugawara yawned as his mother pushed his wheelchair into the main entrance of the hospital. It had been a little over eight months since his leg was amputated, and thanks to the hard working surgeons the wound had healed without complication. 

He was ready for the operation to install a prosthetic limb to replace the one he'd lost. 

Over the two months prior he had been to numerous fittings and measurement sessions, he had chose the style of prosthetic that he had wanted, and his operation was in one week. 

Today was his pre-op to make sure everything was ready for the operation.

But being at the hospital for eight in the morning was tough on his exhausted mind and body. 

At the main reception desk Sugawara's mother asked for the directions to the pre-op assessment suite before finding out that it was on the other side of the hospital site. 

It took them five minutes to navigate the hallways and by the time they'd arrived at their destination they were both very disgrundled. 

 

The pre-op had only taken forty-five minutes, so Sugawara and his mother made the decision to go to the hospital's café for breakfast before making their way home. 

Sugawara held his now tepid hot chocolate in both hands, his hunger sated by the Greek yoghurt and berries, as well as the chocolate chip breakfast muffin. 

"I'll be right back, Koushi, I just need to use the bathroom." His mother said, standing from her seat and looking for the hanging sign indicating the location of the nearest toilets. 

Sugawara nodded in acknowledgement before watching his mother walk down the corridor, he sighed before taking a sip of his drink. It was only then that he noticed a pair of dark eyes looking at him. 

He ducked his head, shifting the woolen blanket draped over his legs to hide his loss. 

"Hey," a low baritone voice greeted, making Sugawara look up to see the same dark eyes, "I apologise if I made you self conscious." 

Sugawara looked at the man in front of him and raised an eyebrow, he looked familiar up close. 

Seeing a lack of response the man sat down in the seat previously occupied by Sugawara's mother. 

"I was there that night," he said somberly, looking at his clasped hands on the table, "I was in the crowd with my mother when the scaffold fell. Gosh, I bet you've heard this from plenty of people already but I haven't been able to forget that night." 

"Yeah, neither have I." Sugawara quipped, his mood becoming sour. 

"I'm sorry, um, how are you recovering?" The man asked, his voice showing a hint of nervousness.

Maybe he'd leave if Sugawara gave him the answer. 

"I'm fully healed, a prosthetic is getting fitted next week." Sugawara replied, God he just wanted to be left alone. 

"Ah, I see," the man smiled and Sugawara felt himself relax slightly, "I'm glad; my parents'll also be happy to know that you're recovering well." 

"Who are you? Are you a pap?" Sugawara questioned warily, throwing his guard back up. 

"Ah, no, sorry about that, my manners aren't all that great first thing in morning," he laughed, his voice a smooth and rich rumble, "I'm Sawamura Daichi, it's a pleasure to--" 

"Wait," Sugawara stopped him, raising his hand to pause Daichi's speech, "a Sawamura? Are you related to the dancers?!" 

Another laugh which made him feel butterflies. 

God, he needed to get a grip, it was just a laugh. 

"Ah! So you know them?" 

"Of course I do! They were the reason I began dancing in the first place!" Sugawara said with enthusiasm, the first enthusiasm he'd experienced since his accident. "I watched them dance to Angels when I was a kid!" 

"My father is here today, actually, if you'd like to come and meet him." 

Sugawara had to fight down the urge to scream his acceptance of the offer and instead politely ask whether it would be okay. 

"Gee, are you sure?" Sugawara rubbing the back of his neck roughly, his fingers playing over the beauty mark he knew would be just hidden by his hair. "I mean, he's obviously here for a reason, I'd be intruding." 

"No, not at all, he's just had a routine op," Daichi reassured, "I'm just waiting for visiting hours so I can nip up and see him." 

"Oh, what did he need doing? If you don't mind me asking." Sugawara quickly added the last sentence. 

"He had a small cyst on his shoulder growing on a mole, like, y'know them jelly ones? It was a cyst but benign, so it was just getting rid of the affected area so it couldn't become malignant. He's had the cysts on that mole in the past so this time they were removing the whole thing." 

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that, I had no idea, is he recovering okay?" 

"Yep, they just want to keep him in to run some more tests today to make sure they got it all, and stuff. It was pretty big." 

Sugawara fell into surprisingly comfortable silence with Daichi, he briefly wondered where his mother had disappeared to, but that thought was quickly pushed aside by a new question. 

"Hey, you must be a pretty good dancer, right? How come I've never seen you at events?" 

Daichi's expression grew weary, he looked tired but also... ashamed. 

"Ah, well, I haven't danced in a while. I don't have the figure after my latest growth spurt." Daichi explained, side glancing at Sugawara to gauge his reaction. 

"What? But you're hot!" Sugawara cut himself off too late, realising what he said. It seemed that Daichi had also just registered what he'd said as his eyes widened and he turned to face Sugawara. "I- I mean you're asthetically pleasing! ...for a guy... dancing man... dancing-man-guy..." 

He was just digging himself into a deeper hole. 

"I'm so sorry about that, Koushi!" Sugawara's mother huffed, approaching the table. "The nearest bathrooms were being cleaned so I had to go to the next one along, but then I bumped into Val, and you know what she's like!" 

"Please tell me you shoved her in the toilet." Sugawara said with a smile

"I wish!" His mother laughed, only then noticing Daichi. "Oh, Koushi, who's this? A friend from the dance academy?" 

"Oh, mama, this is Daichi Sawamura!" Sugawara introduced, feeling proud as the recognition of his name and his face flitted over his mother's face. 

"Oh my, he looks so much like his father! That wide jaw and broad shoulders. Perfect for dancing!" 

"Ah, thank you, Ma'am." Daichi stuttered out, a light blush dusting his cheeks. 

"And those legs!" Sugawara's mum added on, at the same time that Daichi thanked her. "Oh, Daichi dear! Call me Rantsurī!" 

"Mama!!" Sugawara screeched in embarrassment, both Daichi and himself sporting matching red faces.

Sugawara's mother laughed cheekily, putting her coat on and strapping her bag over her shoulder. 

"Are you ready to go and crawl back into bed, Koushi?" She giggled. 

"Mama, stop!" Sugawara protested, a fierce blush covering his face. 

Sugawara heard Daichi chuckle before he stood up, Sugawara had never wanted to call after someone so badly before. 

"Well, I need to go and visit the old man," Daichi said, beginning his reason to leave, "but," he reached for a Sudoku book that was rolled up in his coat pocket and ripped a slip of paper from the back page. He took out his red ball-point pen and scribbled on the paper before handing it to Sugawara, "let me know how your operation goes." 

Daichi left moments later, heading for the ward his father had been put onto. 

Sugawara looked in bewilderment at the strip of paper with a mobile contact number written in pigeon scrawl. 

He suddenly became conscious of his mother's eyes on him and the paper.

"Whipped." She said, punctuating it with the sound of a whip by pursing her lips and rolling her tongue against the backs of her teeth. 

Sugawara saw her barely contained grin as she moved behind his wheelchair and began pushing him towards the exit. 

 

Later that day Sugawara found himself eagerly arranging to meet Oikawa and Akaashi. He sat in the McDonalds on the main high street with his friends, his chair folded behind the booth they were situated in and a sense of normalcy making him feel at ease. 

"He just... gave you his number?" Oikawa asked in disbelief, holding the paper in his left hand and five fries in the other. 

"Yeah, it was proper weird! He was just like: "let me know how your op goes." And handed me that!" Sugawara exclaimed, taking a large bite from his burger. "I've never even met him before, but his dad is my idol!"

"Sugawara-san," Akaashi started, picking up his milkshake and taking a sip, "do you believe in soulmates?" 

"Well--" 

"Oh my gosh! You guys could be pure, legit soulmates!" Oikawa shouted before covering his mouth with his hands and smearing salt across his lips. 

"I'm sure there's so much more logic involved." Sugawara deadpanned. 

"No, think about it, you're the only one of the group to not have a partner, Suga-chan, you've not had a single partner! And then outta the blue you suddenly have some stranger's number and he's your idol's son!" Oikawa argued, only realising by the time he'd finished that Sugawara hadn't been listening. 

Instead he was staring off into the distance. 

"Are those meds too strong again?" Oikawa asked, remembering the time Sugawara had first consumed morphine based pain killers. 

"N- No..." Sugawara stammered. This made Oikawa look behind him curiously, Akaashi doing the same. 

As soon as their eyes landed on the man Sugawara was staring at they turned back around. 

"Oh my gosh that's him!" Oikawa stage whispered, turning round again before facing Sugawara again, "he looks so much like his dad." 

"That's insane." Akaashi muttered, the three side glancing the man walking passed the restaurant window. 

"Daichi Sawamura doesn't dance." Sugawara recalled. 

"Wait, both of his parents are dancers and he's not?" 

Sugawara hummed in agreement. 

"Something about his build, although I'll admit I zoned out because his thighs are fucking amazing." Sugawara explained, rubbing his palms down the sides of his face. "He could choke me with those thighs and I'd thank the Gods, my mother, and his parents for the Goddamn contact!" 

His comment made the pair chuckle which in turn made him join in. 

He hadn't felt this light in a long time. 

He hadn't felt this carefree in months. 

He was going to dance again. 

No prognosis, no matter how grim, would stop him.


	6. His Deepest Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is the beginning of a four part recovery arc, the title idea was from Icon For Hire's song "The Grey" 
> 
> "In your deepest pain,  
> In your weakest hour,  
> In your darkest night,  
> You are lovely." 
> 
> So the next four chapters are heavily reliant on my own experiences. But for now this chapter has a lot of talk of surgery that I've based off my own surgery on my right leg (that ended up being cancelled about five minutes before they put me under and hasn't happened since, but now my right leg has gotten significantly worse, and if it's not being caused by chronic pain then an operation will be on the cards because it's not responding to physiotherapy) 
> 
> So the warning I want to put for this chapter is talk of surgery, because I know being told I had "great veins for stabbing" at the age of 11 really freaked me out. But, anyways, the first paragraph is Suga getting ready for the operation.

The day of his operation, Sugawara was at the hospital for six in the morning. His stomach growled in protest of the fasting as he shakily sipped at the minimal amount of water they'd given him. 

By seven he was situated on the ward, waiting for the nurses to begin to prepare him. 

At seven fifteen the first nurse entered. 

"Sugawara-san?" A nurse asked, a clipboard in hand and a tube of gel in the other.

"That's me." 

"Your date of birth?"

"Thirteenth of June." She checked the information on her board before uncapping the tube. She inspected both of his hands before wiping them with an alcohol disinfectant. 

"You have good veins for the canula." She said abscent mindedly, Sugawara's heart rate jumping. "I'm just going to put the numbing cream on your hands." 

She squirted a large amount of gel onto the back of both his hands before wrapping them in clear film. 

"And what leg?" 

"Right." Sugawara confirmed as she checked the information on the board again. "Um, no offense but shouldn't that be obvious?" 

"You'd be surprised by how many people mess it up." She explained, drawing an arrow on his exposed thigh that pointed towards where his knee should be. "Before you go under several more people will have asked the same questions as me. But don't worry, you'll be fine." She smiled comfortingly, gently placing her warm hand on his leg. 

She left and it was seven forty before another, different nurse entered. He asked the same questions before sitting on the bed where Sugawara's right leg should be situated. 

"I just have to go through some things with you," the nurse explained, "firstly, when we administer the anesthetic, we'll count down from five. By the time we get down to zero you'll be comatose. You won't feel a thing, and you probably won't remember anything that wasn't before this conversation." 

Another clipboard was given to Sugawara, his mother watching on from the other side of the ward cubicle. 

"That's why I need you and your mother to sign this form saying that you were given this talk. And finally, when you wake up the anesthetic won't be magically gone from your system. You'll feel tired and it's totally okay for you to go back into a natural sleep until the rest of the anesthetic has left your system, okay?" 

Sugawara nodded and signed the sheet before handing the board to his mother to sign. 

"After you wake up the second time a meal of your choice will be prepared for you to enjoy on the ward, starting tomorrow you'll be able to have visitors. Do you have any questions?" 

"No, thank you, nurse." Sugawara said, just wanting to hurry the process along. 

"Very well, then a doctor will be in shortly to administer the anesthetic." The nurse said, taking the forms from the pair and leaving the room. 

"Mama, I'm scared..." he mumbled, looking to his mother for comfort. 

Rantsurī rushed to her son's side, embracing him tightly and playing with his silver locks of hair. 

"I know, my little cherub, but I'm so proud of you, all of your friends are so excited to dance with you again, and you were able to get Dai-chan's number~" she teased at the end, making Sugawara laugh lightly. 

"Since when did he become 'Dai-chan'?"

"Since it became obvious that you are smitten." 

The mother and son cuddled until the doctor came in. It was the same doctor that was in charge of Sugawara's case. 

"Doctor Bambi, I'm so glad there's a familiar face." Sugawara sighed in relief, relaxing slightly. 

"I figured that it would be better for me to be here for that very reason." She smiled kindly, her half-Italian features sparkling with kindness. "Are you ready?" 

"I'm ready to run away."

The doctor giggled, inspecting his left hand for the perfect vein. 

"Well once this blade is fitted you can do just that." 

"Blade? I thought I was getting a normal prosthetic." Sugawara's worry spiked, making the monitor jump and the doctor pause in her ministrations. 

"We couldn't afford the blade." His mother was equally panicked. The blades were not covered on the Health Service like the normal prosthetic legs were. "We wanted the blade but there was no way we could afford the eighteen grand cost!" 

"Well just after our discussion a few months ago an anonymous donation came in. It was a cheque to the creators with a note detailing what they wanted." 

Sugawara and Rantsurī shared a look. 

"What did the note say?" 

"I'm not too sure myself, but I could get the note ready for when you come to." 

"I'd like that." Sugawara accepted, his skin itched to figure out who would do such a thing. 

"Now, are you ready?" Doctor Bambi asked the silver haired man, preparing the canula oncemore. 

"As I'll ever be." 

Sugawara didn't even feel himself going under the anesthetic. 

 

Daichi sat at the breakfast bar in his home, since that day he had wondered what the hell he had done by giving Sugawara his number. 

Now here he was, too worried and anxious to hear a reply that he couldn't even eat. 

"Daichi," his mother caught his attention, "are you worried about that dancer? Is that why you can't eat?" 

"I guess you could say that." Daichi muttered, messing with the patterns on the marble worktop. "I gave him my number so he could let me know how it went, but what if he doesn't?"

"Then just take solace in the fact that he won't be stuck with the cheapest model of prosthetic. Your father must have seen something special in the boy to pay for what he did." Her hand rested on Daichi's shoulder. "You never know, one day you might see him on that stage again, shining like a diamond." 

Daichi smiled at the thought, just imagining Sugawara dance again was enough to make him happy. 

"It puts it into perspective though, doesn't it?" Daichi asked, meeting his mother's gaze. 

"What do you mean?" She asked, taking a seat beside her son and swivelling her chair to face him. 

"Here I am, I quit dancing because I was self-conscious about my build and weight, but that's something that I could change. But he loves dancing and has, pardon the analogy, had it all taken from underneath his feet." 

"Then why not help him learn to dance again?" She suggested. "Why not use our spare studio to help him learn everything again. You might fall in love again." 

"That's if he even talks to me." At that moment his phone buzzed along the marble worktop and he dived for the device. 

On the screen was an unknown number. He skimmed the message before his mother nudged him to read it out loud. 

"'It's Rantsurī, I know that Koushi has been fretting this morning and I wasn't sure if he'd messaged you. So I just thought to give you and update. He's been under for two hours now, they say it should be a five hour operation'." 

"Who's Rantsurī?" 

"His mother." Daichi replied, adding the woman's number to his phone before sending a reply. 

"Well that's promising, at least he kept the paper!" 

Daichi listened to his mother's words, a small smile on his lips at the idea. 

"I hope you're right..." His smile grew when he received another text from Rantsurī.

 

It was two in the afternoon by the time Sugawara was situated back on the ward, his operation a visual success, both superficially and on scans. 

It was up to his body to do the rest now. 

Everyone tread carefully around the young man, understanding that he would be experiencing unimaginable pain after the operation. 

He fluttered in and out of consciousness until nearly seven in the evening, briefly talking to his mother before falling asleep again. 

He demolished the meal of his choice, followed by chocolate and caramel yoghurt pudding. But his eyes kept drifting to his phone on the bedside table. He was scared to message Daichi, but he could at least message Oikawa and his friends. 

He picked up his phone only for the pain deep in his bones that not even morphine could numb completely to make his muscles tense in protest and his phone to clatter into his lap. 

He picked up his phone, staring at the blank screen, debating who to message first. But every time he emptied his mind, the first name that came to mind was a man he'd only met once. 

Sugawara put his phone back down on the bedside, sighing at his own cowardice. 

That was when he saw the screen, dimmed by the night-time setting, light up just enough to catch his eye. He reached for his old Android phone, activating the screen to see the contents of the message. 

[[UNKNOWN: Hey, I, God this sounds so stupid over text, I've never been so formal in my life. It's Daichi, I hope you're feeling okay. Rantsurī-san gave me your number, I hope that's okay. :)]] 

Sugawara could hardly contain the giddly smile on his face, he could feel Daichi's awkward demeanour through the message. He quickly added Daichi as a contact before clicking reply. 

[[YOU: Hey! Im feeling abit groggy, but im ok. im glad you took the initiative but you dont have to b so formal xD]] 

Sugawara's eyes remained glued to the screen while he waited for another reply. Was he too informal? 

[[DAICHI: Im glad ur feeling good. Does the blade look cool??]] 

[[YOU: Howd you know i was getting a blade???]]

[[DAICHI: Just assumed, i guess]]

Sugawara spent the rest of the night messaging Daichi, his anesthetic-fogged mind not pressing further on the topic of his blade. 

At ten at night he finally fell asleep, his phone in hand, a very important message from Daichi illuminating the screen. 

[[DAICHI: Mum said u could practice dancing in our studio :))]]


	7. His Weakest Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check the new tags. 
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Second paragraph has a detailed panic attack.  
> Third paragraph has brief physical description of waking up after a night terror.

Recovery this time round was much worse than the first. 

The main reason being that he finally had use of his legs after almost ten months without them, his muscles were wasted away and the smallest movements left him breathless. 

Physiotherapy hurt, he felt useless and weak. 

Sugawara couldn't see anyway that it would get better. 

He missed his friends. 

While he was picking up the pieces of his shattered life, they'd all graduated.

They'd had job offers. 

But in the meantime, they were telling him that they weren't going to take them without him. 

That was when Sugawara banned them from seeing him, using the excuse that his physiotherapy made him too tired; which wasn't exactly a lie. 

He was desperately lonely. 

The next few months were a blur, slowly but surely Sugawara's legs gained strength and he was soon able to hobble with the help of crutches to support him, what was even more reassuring was the rate at which his new prosthetic was healing and his body adapting to the new appendage. 

With limited balance and weak muscles he could stand for short periods of time. 

Rantsurī kept his spirits high, making a fuss and taking photos to commemorate his growth and rebirth.

Sugawara, in all honesty, was finding her excitement infectious.

He threw himself further into his recovery, religiously doing the physiotherapy at home, attending his weekly physiotherapy, hydrotherapy sessions, and fortnightly checkups. 

For all the good he was doing for his physical body, however, he was neglecting his mental state. 

 

Sugawara was in the middle of hydrotherapy when the first flashback hit. 

His body cramped up, his muscles rapidly spasming and sending him under the luke-warm water. 

He could feel the agonising pain of his leg being crushed.

The weight of the prosthetic that he'd grow accustomed to over the months disappeared, mimicking the loss of his leg all over again.

He could feel the sensations that he couldn't previously remember; the pull of the tourniquet around his thigh, the truss being removed from his body, the canula entering the crook of his elbow, and the sedatives and pain relief being pumped into his veins, the burn under his skin as his body became the drugs' battleground.

The fact he didn't remember these things made him severely doubt whether they really happened.

He felt no resistance as he disappeared under the water, the heavier waterproof prosthetic offering him no solace from his asphyxiating surroundings. 

He scrambled for his left leg to support his weight but before he could he was pulled from the water by strong hands of his therapist. 

He became acutely aware of his heart pounding, his chest unable to take the breaths he desperately clung to as if his life depended on it. He grappled for breath, forcing the air in and out in rapid succession. 

Deaf to the words that told him to slow down. 

His skin became slick with perspiration which then mixed into the droplets already perched gracefully on his body, hanging from his sinueous physique. 

Hands cupped his face and through the blur of tears he could see his mother. It was the reverse of that night. Rantsurī's hands felt like a comforting warmth, while simultaneously feeling cold against his flushed and clammy skin. 

When was he brought onto the poolside? 

"Koushi, honey," his mother called, holding his face firmly in her hands and grounding him to the present, "are you okay?"

Sugawara opened his mouth but nothing other than a croaking rasp escaped his lips. 

Rantsurī took his hand in both of hers.

"Squeeze my hands if the answer is yes, are you okay?" 

A very loose squeeze. 

Was he okay?

"Koushi, look at me," she refocused his gaze to hers, "can you find me five colours around the room?" 

The blue tiles in the pool.

The white washed walls.

His mother's porcelain ivory cheeks.

Her pink woolen coat. 

Her brown eyes.

Sugawara met her gaze again. 

"Good..." She praised, moving to the next step. "Can you feel four things?" 

The hard floor beneath him.

More specifically the tiles digging into his exposed skin. 

Her hands and their strange mixture of hot and cold. 

The water making his body cool. 

That was four, right? 

Rantsurī continued to make him find numerous things for his other three senses, bringing him back into reality and grounding him. 

"Thank you, mama," Sugawara mumbled, hugging her like he did when he was a child and scared of the dark, "thank you for helping me." He began to sob into her hair, suddenly so grateful for having so much support around him. 

"Sugawara-san," his therapist called softly, kneeling down, "let's call it a day, I'll see you next week and Doctor Bambi will see you in three days for your check up." 

"Thank you." Sugawara smiled, being helped into a standing position by his mother and the therapist.

 

Throughout his recovery Sugawara had been keeping in touch with Daichi, the pair text one another every few days, Sugawara fell into comforting conversations with the man.

The months faded away, his body becoming stronger, his movement becoming easier. 

Sugawara continued to have the occassional flashback, secluding himself so the people around him didn't see his failing mental health. 

He'd wake up in a cold sweat.

His skin would sting as if it were being held hostage by the type of fever that left your skin physically burned. 

His heart would race, miss beats altogether, send him to his knees with strong and rapid palpitations. 

He stopped showering, dousing himself in deodourant, massaging talcum power into his hair and scalp to limit how much he could sweat and subsequently how greasy his hair could become.

He stopped eating properly, only snacking and grazing on sugary snacks.

Sleep became a commodity that he couldn't afford. 

[[DAICHI: Wanna get some coffee??]] 

Sugawara's heart was suddenly grasped by a sharp, icy hold. 

He didn't want to go out.

But he wanted to see Daichi. 

He battled with his emotions, eventually deciding that it was for the best if he didn't.

Although the niggle in the back of his mind told him he was wrong. 

In his frustration Sugawara launched his phone across the room and it hit the wall and then disappeared behind the other couch. 

He sighed deeply before rising from his perch.

His leg and prosthetic shakily held him upright, he took a tentative step forward on his blade, the slight give from the shape making him dread that it would break. 

After five minutes of gentle movement to adjust his weight he defiantly took his next steps, adapting to the new weight distribution as if it was his second nature to do so. 

He logically knew that he was fine. 

He was healed.

He could walk.

The blade wouldn't snap.

He'd always adapt to the feeling after a few steps. 

But in simple terms, he was scared.

Terrified. 

It was then that he heard the front door being opened, keys jangling in the lock. 

"Koushi! I'm home! And I brought a guest!" His mother called, shutting the front door and entering the living room with the guest in tow. 

Sugawara just about fell over when he saw Daichi standing slightly behind his mother in one hand was a cardboard drinks tray perched with two quietly steaming drinks, his mother holding a third cup that matched the other two. In Daichi's other hand was a brown paper bag. 

"Why did you turn Daichi down for coffee?" 

"So you were both down there, huh?" Sugawara realised. "Sorry, I just didn't feel up to it today." 

"That's why we brought it home!" Rantsurī said. "Koushi, you need to start coming out some more." 

"I know, I know, and I will, eventually." 

Sugawara glanced at Daichi again, noticing the pink dusting his cheeks and the tip of his nose and the sheepish and almost shy smile on his lips. 

It was endearing.

"Your mum told me that you liked shortbread," Daichi explained, handing the paper bag to Sugawara, "I got you a hot chocolate with a caramel cream and chocolate chunks on top as well." He reached for the cup with the described drink inside, carefully handing it to Sugawara with the bag. 

The perfect early Winter treat. 

"Thank you, how much do I owe you?" Sugawara asked, taking the gifted items. 

Sugawara wanted to run away, he didn't want to spend time with people. 

It was tiring.

He was already exhausted.

His rest was limited, almost nonexistent. 

He was scared that he'd lose his light, his drive, like a candle with no wick left; he was scared of burning out. 

Extinguishing. 

"I don't want to take any money from you, Suga," Daichi's soothing voice grounded him. 

"No, please, I feel awful." Sugawara pleaded, there was nothing he hated more than being in debt to someone. 

"Promise me I can have the first dance." Daichi said with a smile, repeating himself resolutely. "The drink and shortbread for your first dance." 

Sugawara looked down at the gifts in his hand, his eyes squinting closed as he tried not to start crying. 

It always seemed that Daichi knew what to say to reassure him; it looked bleak now, but he would dance again.

Then his mind caught up to the second meaning of what Daichi said. 

He wouldn't be the only person dancing. 

Daichi was going to dance too. 

"Okay." Sugawara said with a small, shaky smile as he furiously blinked to wipe away the tears.


	8. His Darkest Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter deals with PTSD in its rawest form. As someone who is going through the feelings that Sugawara is experiencing in this chapter, it's really helped to be able to write down. 
> 
> The bitterness, the anger, the "what if" thoughts, the self hatred and self depreciation, it's all incredibly raw. So that's my warning for this chapter.
> 
> I'll do a summary at the end for those who don't want to read it.

Sugawara's eyes peeled open as he begrudgingly looked at his bedside clock. Four AM. 

He felt frustration at the realisation that he'd only been asleep for half an hour, and that this was the sixth time he'd woken up since retiring at half eleven that night. 

His eyes stung, they felt heavy, but this was around the time where he knew that sleep would no longer embrace him tonight. 

With a sigh he threw the covers back, grasping his blanket and heading downstairs into the chilly living room. 

Despite the fact that it was late Spring, the blanket was a must have in the drafty front room. 

He turned on the television and settled for the movie channel showing a movie he'd never seen before now, he carefully folded in on himself and encased his body in the thick blanket. 

Sugawara closed his eyes and his head pressed into the top of the headrest, the movie became white noise as he slowly began replaying the accident in his head. 

The sound of the truss finally snagging, leaning heavily to the right, watching Oikawa so enraptured by the music that he didn't hear the screeching from the metal. 

Lunging forward.

What would have happened if he'd just called out to his friend? 

He'd still have his leg, surely. 

But would Oikawa be in his place instead?

Would he be the one entertaining in Vegas, and Oikawa be the one with crushed dreams? 

Or what if he'd alerted Akaashi, what would he have done? 

Akaashi was in a stage production, a broadway theatrical act alongside Kuroo and Bokuto. 

Could Sugawara see himself performing in front of hundreds of people, each night faced with a new audience who loved the original production and pulling out all the stops to make them go away loving his?

Sugawara picked up his phone, the screen cracked from the abuse months before. He entered Facebook and saw that both Oikawa and Akaashi had uploaded new photos and videos. 

He went on the page for the bar that Oikawa worked at, seeing the latest video was him in deep crimson, tight leather pants and a black satin shirt. 

His dance technique hadn't changed; only matured, and Sugawara found himself getting lost in Oikawa's fiery dance. 

It was just as sexual and aggressive as in the academy, but with his adult physique, more pronounced muscle development and attire gave it a class that some people could argue his younger self didn't have. 

Sugawara longed to perform again. 

He set up Youtube on his phone, beginning to remember the dances, the movements, all those times at the academy where they'd laugh about different formations. 

A slow synthetic beat began radiating from the speaker on the phone. 

He remembered their first year together, the way that Akaashi had performed so smoothly, his lithe body moving with precision and quick silver moment. 

The beat began to speeding up, a higher tone to the song, but Sugawara stayed on the background music. 

The sound made him imagine a tarmac road on a dark and rainy night. A car travelling quickly through a shroud of rain, each droplet being cast in an orange flicker from the streetlights with each crescendo pulse of the beat. 

He closed his eyes, focusing on that sound, a whoosh and a rest, a whoosh and a rest. 

He moved his body with the hardly noticable, minute noise, and as the singer began to sing he sped up his movement. 

His arms raised above his body, extended upwards and he mimicked the way Akaashi danced all those years ago, sharp and precise. 

He found it hard to remain balanced on his prosthetic, not use to the rapid movements involved on such an admittedly flimsy-feeling blade. 

As the song lulled he switched his dancing style to Oikawa's rhythmic passion. He moved backwards and forwards in one place, moving his arms around his body, caressing his thighs, hips, and sides as he turned into a three point spin on his left foot. 

In the past he liked to imagine that he looked almost as passionate as Oikawa despite the differences in their physiques. 

His hands pressed the centre of his chest, splaying outwards across his sleep shirt. 

In the past he would have keened at praise, he would have felt empowered, almost sexy to know he could have the same effect on people as Oikawa. 

But now he felt stupid. 

He wasn't sexy with a clunking piece of metal and plastic like the one attached to his thigh. 

His self-confidence as broken, distorted, and mangled as his dreams and as his physical body. 

Sugawara didn't realise that his eyes were brimming with tears, some already tracing the many tears he'd already shed, until he swallowed and his throat felt tight and stung. 

It was then that he remembed to breathe. 

He inhaled deeply as a gutteral sob spilled from his lips, his body crumpling to the floor. The balls of his palms pressed against his closed eyes as he finally broke down, unable to hide or contain his sadness anymore.

This time he didn't fight it, he didn't try to stop himself, and his sobbing continued, hiccups escaping from his lungs as he failed to breathe evenly. His hands fell from his face, landing onto his knees and he began squeezing in much the same way he had when he first learned about the fate of his right leg. 

He folded up on himself until his forehead was on the floor between his legs, still crying in anguish the silver haired man prostrated himself. 

What had he done to deserve this? 

Why not somebody else?

He'd been a good person, he helped people, he didn't demand attention. 

His success was everything, he never had a romantic relationship, he never acted out of line. 

He wanted to succeed in dancing. 

Not this. 

Why him? 

He could count on his fingers and toes people who deserved his fate. 

And he didn't occupy any of the spaces. 

But perhaps that was why it was him. 

Nobody was invincible when it came to fate. 

Nobody could read the future. 

But even so, the reason he had lost his leg in the first place was simple. 

He was helping someone he held close to him. 

So should he just no longer help people?

Would that keep him safe? 

He wanted answers! 

His body shook violently with chest wrenching sobs. 

It was all so confusing, what was he meant to do? 

He wanted someone to find him. 

To comfort him. 

To fix him. 

He felt like his heart would only beat when it wanted to.

He constantly felt like he was holding his breath, waiting for someone to tell him it was okay to breathe on his own. 

He was scared of wanting to have friends, wanting to be with Daichi more. 

Daichi was the only person who offered him words that filled him with hope for his future. 

But it still didn't fix him.

He couldn't do it. 

His mother couldn't either.

Daichi had also failed. 

His friends were across the globe, separated and successful. He doubted they even gave him a passing thought anymore. 

Why couldn't he be fixed? 

He'd been in hell for too long, he was a mess, his hand bleeding from clinging to hope, clinging to himself. 

Scared to let go and lose himself, to fade away. 

 

It was then that his phone chirped with a message, he looked at the screen warily, scared of the rejection he might find. 

[[DAICHI: Every scar one day will heal, every tear one day will dry. What do u think of that for a theme?]]

Sugawara sniffled, wiping his dirty face with his sleeve and forming a reply.

[[YOU: Sounds good]]

[[DAICHI: Why r u awake this early??] 

[[YOU: Bad night.]]

[[DAICHI: Wanna meet up l8r? It might make u feel better.]]

Sugawara mulled over the idea. 

Despite the hopelessness of the situation he hoped that Daichi could still piece him back together. 

[[YOU: Ok]]

A distraction might help him. 

[[DAICHI: Gr8! Ill pick u up l8r]]

"Every scar one day will heal, every tear one day will dry." Sugawara repeated out loud, sniffling loudly as the emotions he had felt so strongly just moments earlier had lifted as quickly as they'd came. "Sawamura Daichi, I hope you can fix me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much happens in this chapter, it's all that raw emotion and then some hope.
> 
> Sugawara wakes up after being unable to sleep, his insomnia is getting worse, the nightmares and the flashbacks are destroying him. He goes downstairs and settles on the couch to watch a movie.
> 
> The movie is soon forgotten, however, because he begins remembering scenes of the accident. His mind then goes into overdrive, thinking about what ifs and even torturing himself by going on Oikawa and Akaashi's Facebooks to see how successful they are, which makes him bitter. 
> 
> He tries to dance, but he collapses to the floor crying which he gets to fully realise just how different it is. (Song he dances to: Frame of Mind by Tristram)
> 
> Then he gets a text off Daichi, asking him what he thinks of the theme: "Every scar one day will heal, every tear one day will dry", they talk for a little while before Daichi invites him out later that day. This time he takes it.


	9. He Is Lovely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after finding out there was a type of blade called the Rolling Thunder Running Blade...I couldn't not write this chapter.

Sugawara walked ahead of Daichi down the gangway of the public bus, his boot-cut jeans and high top trainers hiding his blade from view. 

Although he would be lying if he said that he wasn't still self-conscious. 

They both disembarked from the bus, heading down a street that Sugawara had passed many times without even a glance. 

"Where are we going?" Sugawara asked, unzipping his hoodie to ease his rising body temperature from exposure to the early May, and unusually warm sunshine. 

"To the place I dance," Daichi said vaguely, opening a metal fire door into a small, disused community building, "this use to be the town's leisure centre." 

The pair walked inside and Sugawara's eyes landed on the large, empty swimming pool to his right. Separated by a glass wall the huge cyan blue tiled pool was drained dry, grafitti now spread across the floors and structural pillars. 

"I remember this place, I use to come swim here as a kid." Sugawara said, remembering the days that the tiles were spotless, the water was heated, lilos for the kids to play on filled the water and the plastic, deep blue sensory seats emitted streams of bubbles. 

The biggest attraction had been the whirlpool, a large circular wall with jets that fired the water in a counterclockwise direction, fast enough to knock you off your feet and spin you around like a carousel or the teacup rides at a fairground. 

"When the governors shut it down it was scheduled to be taken down--" 

"My parents bought it." Daichi interupted, smiling brightly. "Originally they wanted to utilise the land to build a studio, but then Kiyoko started a dance group here, one that doesn't judge on appearance or ability. She got the deed without having to pay a penny." 

"But that doesn't make any sense, why would your parents just give it away after spending money to make it theirs, with a plan and everything!" 

"Because they care about their art." Sugawara's nose crinkled, not fully understanding Daichi's explaination. "Think about it historically, what happened when it was only acceptable for women to dance?" 

"Men started dancing." 

"Kiyoko's dream was to create somewhere that she, and others like her, could dance at the same level as large companies but unscripted and free from expectations." Daichi explained further. "My parents shared the same dream and hired her, giving her this as her unit to work at. If she starts winning contests and stuff then they'll put more money into the place." 

"I see..." Sugawara mulled. 

The pair walked into the main pool area, their eyes scanning the room, on one of the old sensory seats was a young man with hair a similar length to Sugawara's, but jet black and he was facing almost completely away from them. 

Daichi pulled his phone from his pocket, typing on the screen. Moments later the young man's eyes floated to his now illuminated phone screen and turned to face them. 

"YOu'Re BacK." He stated and it didn't take Sugawara long to hear the off-lilt in his voice alongside the inability to control his pitch, tone, or volume. 

"Yeah," Daichi spoke slowly and he clearly annunciated his next words, "how are you?" 

The other man shrugged, a tight half-smile on his features. His eyes drifted to Sugawara and he observed the silver haired amputee. 

"NoYA wiLL bE HaPpy." He said, motioning to Sugawara's prosthetic. 

Sugawara felt Daichi stiffen beside him before he picked out his phone again. By the time he'd replaced the device into his pocket the other man was on his phone, nodding at the screen before sending Daichi a scowl. 

Sugawara crossed his arms over his chest, glancing between the pair. 

"I don't like so obviously being left out the loop, y'know?" 

Daichi froze up again, staring at the other man for assistance. 

"Who's this?" A cool voice asked, the man they were talking to fixed his posture and Sugawara and Daichi turned to the source of the voice. 

"Kiyoko," Daichi greeted albeit breathlessly, he hadn't been predicting her appearance until later, "this is Sugawara Koushi." 

So this was Kiyoko. 

Her eyes widened before returning to their normal gaze, if Sugawara had blinked then he would've missed it.

"The dancer?" 

She moved forward, almost inspecting him. 

"You've recovered fast," she looked at his right leg, Sugawara felt like she could see right through his clothes, like she was staring directly at his insecurity. She looked up and met his gaze, "what model is it?" 

"Th- The Rolling Thunder Running Blade." 

"I hoped he wouldn't actually call it that." Kiyoko said wistfully, half rolling her eyes. 

She fixed her glasses, perching them on the bridge of her nose. 

"Nishinoya, and the others will be here soon." 

There was that name again.

Nishinoya. 

"Who is this Nishinoya?" Sugawara asked warily. 

"The man--" 

"Kiyoko, no--" Daichi spoke up. 

"--who created your prosthetic." 

"--I haven't told him yet." 

The room went quiet, quiet enough to hear the raucous noise as a group of four entered the main entrance and rounded off to the pool area. 

"Daichi! Kiyoko--" One began, only to get cut off. 

"What do you mean you haven't told him? Daichi!" Kiyoko raised her voice slightly, seemingly startling the whole room. 

"He's been recovering, I didn't want to tell him in case he reacted badly." 

"I'm RIGHT here, y'know?" Sugawara said with a scowl, crossing his arms and leaning on his left leg, cocking his hip. 

Kiyoko looked at him, her expression softening.

"Follow me, we'll fill you in." She turned to the rest of the group. "Noya, come with me and Sugawara, the rest of you get ready." 

"Yes, Kiyoko-san!" The shortest male member crowed, following as she lead Sugawara to the viewing plateau above the pool. 

 

The trio sat together on the plateau, Sugawara waiting with both patience and nerves.

"So, Sugawara, what do you know in regards to your prosthesis?"

"Um, I don't know, um, when I was going for my operation the doctor told me I was getting a blade rather than just a bog standard leg, and that someone had donated the eighteen grand to have it made."

"Do you know who?" 

"No, although I have a pretty good idea now..." 

"It was Daichi's dad," Kiyoko stated matter-of-factly, "and this guy, Noya, is the creator." 

Within seconds the smaller male was inspecting Sugawara's blade, Sugawara almost lost his balance as his leg was dragged closer to Nishinoya. 

"You've done really great on the upkeep, Suga-san!" 

"Th- Thank you," Sugawara said with a stammer, "but why would Daichi's dad do that? Why would they pay for someone like me?" Sugawara's eyes began filling with tears as the realisation hit him. "Now I have to try and find the money to pay them back." 

"His parents aren't like that." 

"But I am like that, I hate feeling indebt to people. Eighteen grand, oh my God." He buried his face in his palms. 

"Then dance! Do what I made that blade to do!" Noya said with a large, toothy grin, gripping Sugawara's knees as if even the metal and silicone one was real. 

"No one will hire me with a leg like this."

"I will," Kiyoko said, crossing her arms, "Daichi surely told you what this place is all about. I can't pay you right now, but when we go big, you'll get what you deserve." 

"But--"

"Listen to yourself. An opportunity has just been dropped out of thin air to you and you're making an excuse not to." 

Sugawara froze as what Kiyoko had said settled into him and seeped into his bones, chilling him. 

She was right.

"C'mon, the group will be ready now." Kiyoko stated, her resolve to keep moving encouraging Sugawara to do the same. 

Sugawara followed Nishinoya and Kiyoko as they made their way down the stairs, back in the abandoned pool area was a group consisting of seven including himself, Kiyoko, and Nishinoya. 

Daichi hesitated before walking over. 

"Someone's in the dog house~" Nishinoya teased into his ear, Sugawara swatted him away with a blush high on his cheeks.

"Suga--" 

"I don't wanna hear it, Daichi," Sugawara cut off, "I suppose you had your reasons, I'm angry that you didn't tell me, but I'm going to pay your parents back by dancing." 

Daichi tried to resist the smile threatening to split his face. 

"That's all they wanted," Daichi spoke honestly, "my parents hated how your life as a dancer was so horrifically and selfishly taken from you." 

"Well I didn't come this far just to get this far, did I?" Sugawara said. "I never planned to work as hard as I did just to fade to black." 

"I'm so glad you finally realised; it cut me in half to see you holding back." 

"Sorry..." Sugawara apologised, looking down at his prosthetic. 

"No, I--"

"Alright! Gather round everyone!" Kiyoko called everyone to attendance, the group turning to listen to her. "As you all know the competitions are coming up, this is our chance to get funding." 

The group seemed to perk up at the promise of official recognition. 

"So, I've had Chikara find a track that I want you all to create an exercise to. We'll all perform for one another and then hold a vote on the couple we'll be sending to the contest." 

Sugawara watched as the room sort of faded into natural couples, leaving Daichi and Sugawara together. 

"Shall we?" Daichi asked, offering his hand to Sugawara. Sugawara took it. 

Of course he did.


	10. Summer Of Evolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look at me being generous, I'm doing two chapters today as well as one each for Venus Flytrap and Stole The Show. Then I'll be working on A Strange Boy over the Christmas period as well ans spending time drawing scenes from the stories to go up on my Tumblr.

After an hour, the groups performed their twenty second routine to the music provided. 

Sugawara and Daichi won. 

Unanimously voted as the couple to enter the competition, the pair couldn't contain their smiles. 

As Spring finally faded into Summer, Sugawara began going to Daichi's home more and more. 

"Good morning, Sugawara-kun!" Daichi's mother, Chisane, greeted. She was still wearing her dusty rose house kimono and her ebony hair was fighting against the restraint of the hair tie, she embraced Sugawara tightly. 

"Good morning, Chisane," he replied, returning the hug and falling into step beside her as they fell into the routine of navigating the hallways of the Sawamura household and towards the dance studio situated at the back of a vast garden. 

Lushious green grass holding dew drops on their blades, the zen garden neatly raked and the water feature babbling away as garden birds twittered to one another. 

The air was already becoming humid, but the fresh breeze making the cherry blossom orchard and the lone willow tree rustle and shudder made the day pleasant and Sugawara unwind. 

They walked along the cobbled path into the dance studio, it had been rendered in such a way that the outside blended in nicely with the garden, slightly off white pebble dash walls, modern round windows and full glass doors creating a light and airy environment. 

Sugawara and Chisane's conversation remained cheerful as they entered the dance studio through the main glass doors. Inside was Daichi and his father, Hotaru, the pair waxing and polishing the floor ready for the day. 

Upon them entering Daichi and Hotaru looked up, Hotaru climbing to his feet and walking over to his wife, planting a sweet kiss to her cheek and wrapping his arm around her waist. Their gentle, subtle displays of affection always catching Sugawara by surprise with how tender they were. 

"Have fun you two," Chisane said, her own arm rounding her husband as the pair made their way from the dance studio and into their proud gardens, "dinner will be at one!" She called back. 

Sugawara looked over at Daichi, as the months progressed, his tan had developed into a caramel bronze, his brow was wetted by a thin sheen of sweat, rivulets disappearing down his nape and along his broad jaw to underneath his shirt. His white shirt clung to all the right places, and his dance leggings fit like a glove.

"How are you feeling today?" Snapped Sugawara from his daydream.

"Hot," was he reply before he could say anything else, "um--"

Daichi laughed heartily, moving to prop the windows open and open the skylights with the metal rods. 

"It's only nine AM." He said with amusement, playing dumb to the real reason for Sugawara's response, he finally opened the door, using the hedgehog plush as a weight to keep the door open.

The pair fell into easy conversation as Daichi set up his laptop with the song file, he set up the bluetooth wireless speakers. 

"My dad was amazed that you thought of doing the Cha Cha to this beat, he was really impressed." 

Sugawara looked up from where he was stretching and loosening his shoulders. 

"Really?" 

"He was, I promise, I wouldn't lie to you like that." 

Daichi set the song on a loop and moved to join Sugawara, stretching himself out and then the pair helping one another. 

"Ready?" 

Sugawara turned and took his position on the table propped into the far corner, he sat on the wooden desktop as the song started again. 

Daichi strode onto the parquet floor, within metres of Sugawara and Sugawara jumped from his perch and gripping the centre of Daichi's shirt. He stalked clockwise around the other man, his hand tracing across Daichi's left shoulder and along his collar bones. 

Sugawara separated from Daichi after a full rotation, spinning to his right and spreading his arms wide and above his head. 

As he began to kick his left leg in front of his right, shimmying his hips and rotating his shoulders, Daichi joined in beside him. They spun out before facing one another, Daichi pretending to unbutton his shirt before running his hand through his hair. 

Sugawara's left hand pushed on Daichi's right arm, Daichi swiping it away before Sugawara repeating the action with his right arm. 

Sugawara clapped both his hands against his thighs and began walking backwards, closely followed toe-to-toe by Daichi. They came together again and Sugawara rolled his body into Daichi's before his right hand pushed Daichi's face away and then caressing the other side of his face with his left hand. 

Daichi took Sugawara's hands and as Sugawara let go of one of Daichi's hands, he swung his arm out, Daichi doing the same before they joined hands again. Sugawara let go of Daichi's hand again and Daichi used his upper body strength to propel Sugawara through to an arm's length and spin him back into his chest so that Sugawara's back was against him. 

They moved against one another suggestively before Sugawara moved to the left, both their left arms reached up into the air while their right legs kicked out twice in succession, then in reverse twice oncemore. 

Both arms went up over their heads two times before they brought their arms in and traced their bodies, their arms going out at shoulder length and moved inwards and outwards. Sugawara once again found himself in front of Daichi but facing away as they danced together in close proximity. 

This time Daichi spun to face Sugawara, they interlocked hands before skittering sideways, twisting their hips and perfectly mirroring one another as they travelled from one side of the studio to the other. 

Daichi's hands travelled to Sugawara's hips and Sugawara's took to Daichi's shoulders. Sugawara bent his knees, swivelling himself on the spot and Daichi caressed his hips. He jumped upwards, Daichi lifting him and making sure he landed safely.

Sugawara's hands gripped the back of Daichi's head as he turned his back to his partner oncemore, and Daichi's hand settled on Sugawara's waist and their free hands joined together as they swayed back and forward. 

Daichi spun away from Sugawara and lead the slightly smaller male into the next part of the dance. They mirrored each other's movements again, arms excitedly moving and legs carrying them expertly along the floor.

The next bit was the bit that always left them creased with laughter, Daichi spun Sugawara one last time, the latter lowering down into a splits between Daichi's legs before quickly jumping up again, his back pressed to Daichi's chest as the music finished. 

Hot, quick breaths mingled with one another, sweaty bodies pressed close. 

"That was good," Daichi said breathlessly, trying to maintain his posture like they'd agreed. Although such a task was hard with Sugawara so close, "you're doing so well." 

Sugawara felt himself light up inside at the praise, he fell onto the cool flooring, his body leaving condensation marks around him as his body heat seeped out into the floor boards. Daichi soon joined him, feeling the cold wood on his sweat slicked back and shirt. 

"Hey," Sugawara called for Daichi's attention, "how come you started dancing again?" 

There was a lull in which Sugawara could hear the birds and the sounds of nature just outside their current location.

"I," Daichi took a deep breath, "what happened to you really affected me. Even though we didn't know each other, it broke me." Daichi paused and Sugawara watched as he tried to form the sentences in his mind. "And meeting you only made it harder, getting to know you was so painful, I could feel your pain and anguish... all because you could no longer dance." 

"Daichi--" 

"Do you remember why I stopped dancing?" Daichi asked before scoffing, keeping the question rhetorical. "I hated something that I could change by simply doing what I loved. While you had your entire passion ripped from underneath you, you lost a piece of yourself and suffered for so long. All alone." 

"How did you know...?" 

"I had a very intrusive message from your friend telling me you'd pushed them all away." Daichi said sternly, turning his head to look at Sugawara. "I felt so selfish, holding myself back from my passion while you were ripped from it." He turned his head back to looking at the ceiling. "That's why I dance."

Sugawara's face filled Daichi's vision, his eyes were watery and his cheeks were stained by streaks of salty tears. 

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Sugawara tearily scoffed, wiping his face before closing the gap between them. "Thank you." He whispered to Daichi's lips, more tears escaping down his cheeks as he kissed Daichi oncemore. 

Warm thumbs swiped at the tears decorating his face as Daichi's lips kissed back. 

Daichi sat up, resituating Sugawara close to his chest. 

"Let's steal the show." He said with a toothy, infectious grin.

Of course, Sugawara smiled back.


	11. Under The Knife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so check the tags!
> 
> This chapter I'm gonna do a warning here too, it does have a small scene where Sugawara contemplates self harm, but Daichi walks in and stops it. 
> 
> The rest of the chapter is Daichi learning the truth of just how bad Sugawara's mental health has become, and how much he's been hiding. 
> 
> I'll do a summary at the end for anyone who doesn't want to read the first paragraph, but here's some music I listened to while writing this chapter:  
> *Under the Knife - Icon For Hire  
> "You knew the deal, no one gives a damn  
> Just another needy kid, sob story in hand  
> Keep your secrets covered up, up, up  
> We don't need another cut, cut, cut  
> But you couldn't hide, a heart made of glass  
> You pulled yourself together with all the strength you had  
> You were finally fed up, up, up  
> Finally had to scream enough-nough-nough.
> 
> You carved a special place for your pain  
> So it came back to hurt you every night  
> You closed your eyes and wished it all away  
> Until you disappeared under the knife."
> 
> *You Can't Kill Us - Icon For Hire  
> "One day we're gonna wake up, we're gonna be alright  
> We'll look back and be happy that we kept ourselves alive  
> We'll honour where we came from, see what the hurt was for  
> But we don't let our past hold us hostage anymore  
> 'Cause we got more to give, more to live, more to be  
> More to who we are than our broken history."
> 
> *Only A Memory - Icon For Hire  
> "I can't help but close my eyes for life  
> And dream a different ending  
> That when I wake, I won't be so exhausted  
> And I will stop with my pretending  
> That I'm fine, I'm fine if I can fool myself tonight  
> And my lie will drown out all of yours.
> 
> I will not bend until I break, how much can one bruised body take?  
> Just not enough to silence me, you're only a memory  
> I'll scream these word 'til they come true, then I will think no more of you  
> Look back on what I'm going through, this isn't my identity."

Despite his renewed vigour towards dancing and his blossoming feelings for his dance partner, Sugawara still struggled with his mental wellbeing. 

During the day he'd work himself to the bone. 

At night he'd be disturbed by night terrors, nightmares, and insomnia. 

All the while he was hiding his struggles from those around him. 

He was half submerged in their family bath when he heard a knock at the front door. 

His mother was down there, she could get it. 

Downstairs was quiet and he half-listened to the world around him, the rustling of leaves and birds singing outside, the quiet and hushed mumble of his mother conversing at the front door. 

The world had moved on regardless of his suffering. 

He looked at his reflection in the water, while he was stuck with a plague of memories, everyone else had moved on. 

When did he appear so old? 

Did he even look old? Was it just his broken body struggling to carry on without ample food and sleep? 

His skin was sallow, thick dark bruising lining his lower eyelids, and his hair didn't glow like it should. 

He pulled his left leg up and rested his cheek on his knee, refusing to look at the lack of appendage to his right. His teary and yet cried-out eyes glossed over the room around him, settling on the small cup on the far end of the bath, the instrument inside it looking enticing in his current mindset. 

He scooted forward, reaching for the handle and removing the bladed razor. He detached the razor head from the rest of the object. 

He looked at the blade in his hand, his tears finally overflowing and irritating his already stinging eyes. He then looked to his stump.

That stupid stump. 

That Goddamn stupid--

A knock at the bathroom door startled him as he closed his fingers around the blade, burying his hand under the water. He wiped his eyes dry. 

"Come in." He tried to level out his voice, his thumb absent mindedly teasing the razor head. 

But the face that peeked around the door wasn't his mother's. 

"D- Daichi," Sugawara stuttered, the shock causing his thumb to slip and the blade slice his skin. He hissed in both pain and surprise, "wh- why are you here?" 

He let go of the head and it gently sunk to the bottom of the tub. A thin stream of blood mixing with his bathwater. 

The other man was red in the face after noting Sugawara's state of undress, averting his eyes and looking at anything but Sugawara.

"I came to run by the schedule for the contest tomorrow, do you want me to wait?" 

"N- No... it's fine, um, just pass me that towel, please." Daichi threw the cloth to Sugawara who covered his modesty, wetting the towel in the process. "Sorry, I can't really get out of the bath until I've attached my waterproof prosthetic." 

Sugawara reached to behind the sink basin, pulling the heavy and plain looking leg and hoisting himself onto the foot stool they now used as a makeshift bath seat. 

He began to attach it to his stump, his broken skin catching on the bolts, being pulled and parted with each movement.

"That's fine, um, we'll be on at ten tomorrow morn--" all of Sugawara's movement hadn't failed to stir up the bath water, a glint of metal catching Daichi's eyes. "Suga," his voice shown his full panic and concern, seconds later his noticed the dribble of blood along Sugawara's hand and arm.

Wow blood spread fast when it was on something wet. 

"What have you done, Suga, what's going on?" Sugawara wasn't dumb, he could hear the upset in Daichi's voice, as well as the betrayal. 

"Daichi," his hiccupped, the flood gates finally opening, the realisation of what Daichi had interrupted hitting him like a freight train, "I- I’m sorry, I- I can't cope...anymore." 

He furiously wiped at his eyes, hating how weak and vulnerable he felt. 

He chanced a glance at Daichi, the other man now kneeling beside the bath. 

"C'mon, Rantsurī left a few minutes ago, let's get you sorted... But I want you to tell me everything." 

Sugawara could feel the pain radiating from Daichi, was this what Daichi felt with him all those months ago? 

Warm hands helped him finish setting his prosthetic, offering him a safety net as he carefully climbed over the side while holding the towel. Once he was standing a dry towel came into view, the same caring hands taking the drenched towel away. 

"I'll wait downstairs, please come and talk to me, please, please, please, don't do anything stupid..."

"I won't..." Sugawara sniffled, his heart heavy with guilt as he watched Daichi's back descend downstairs, he went to his room to get dressed. 

 

Daichi waited restlessly for ten minutes before he heard the stairs creak, he watched as Sugawara turned in the hallway and headed into the room, his usual blade was in place and he was wearing thin flannel pajamas, he hair was still damp and his face red and blotchy. 

Daichi moved over to allow Sugawara to sit beside him. 

The pair sat in silence, their shoulders barely touching. Daichi was determined to be the support Sugawara needed, regardless of whether it was verbal or silent.

"For almost a year now I've had bad flashbacks," Sugawara said, playing with his fingers, "it's got worse and worse to the point I'm lucky if I get anything more than three hours of broken sleep a night, I have nightmares, what I think are night terrors, I can't eat, and that bath was my first in two weeks." 

"Suga..." Daichi said in anguish, his arm settling around Sugawara's shoulders and holding him close to his side. "I'm so sorry, I should have seen it."

"I didn't want you to, so of course you wouldn't have seen it, Daichi," Sugawara snapped with a sigh, bending over himself to bury his face in his hands, "I'm sorry, I just can't cope with this...I shunned my friends, I'm self-sabotaging myself by not even trying to eat, wash, or sleep anymore."

"Then let me help you," Daichi pleaded, "please."

"How are you going to help?" Sugawara spat almost venomously. He wasn't stupid, he knew exactly what was wrong with him, he'd done research, the seven stages of grief and all that shit.

That's why he was angry. 

He didn't want to be this way, especially with Daichi, but he was so irritable. 

He hated himself. 

"Honestly? I don't know." Daichi admitted. "I could help pay to get you help--" 

"Piss off with making me in debt to you and your family, Daichi!" Sugawara finally snapped, shooting to his feet and stomping into the kitchen. "Look at the differences in where we live, you a glorious mansion, everything you could ever want or need just handed to you, and then look here, a decrepit two bedroom house where I've had to claw my way up into the world!" 

"Suga--" 

"No, listen to me, stop doing me favours and buying things. You have no idea the pride I have, my Mama raised me so we don't get into debt we can't pay, yet here we are." Sugawara paced on the tiled floor of the kitchen, twisting and turning along the poorly tractioned surface. 

He slipped but was able to stop his fall, heading into the dining room before turning around and moving back into the kitchen. 

"Suga, please calm down, you're going to hurt yourself--" 

Before Daichi could finish his breath, Sugawara toppled onto the floor, slipping on the same wet streak from the leaking pipes as before. 

Daichi rushed to his side. 

"Are you okay? Suga," he coddled, the hand that pushed against his chest making him lose balance. 

"Leave me alone," Sugawara hissed, "I didn't ask for this, forget what you saw and forget what you heard." He watched as Daichi prepared to argue back. "Or I'll never forgive you." 

That stopped his dance partner in his tracks. 

Finally. 

"So go, go right now, leave me alone." 

"Okay," Daichi said in defeat, backing down from the argument and standing up from his position beside Sugawara, "okay...I'll leave." His mind raced with what could happen if he left, he shuddered at the thought and almost begged for Sugawara to reconsider. 

But those eyes. 

Those angry and broken eyes demanded he leave. So with a heavy heart, he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sugawara's in the bath and he's thinking about all the stuff that's happened, how the world has moved on without him. And then he sees the cup at the end of the bath where his mum keeps her shaving razors. He reaches for the razor and detaches the blade and goes to cut his stump, but then Daichi walks in and he hides the blade, but catches his thumb and he drops the blade out of shock.
> 
> He starts getting out the bath with Daichi's help and his movement kicks up the water and Daichi catches a glimpse of the blade and panics, he turns back to Suga and his hand and arm are covered in blood, blood spreads fast on wet skin, even from a small cut on a finger. 
> 
> Suga gets out the bath and Daichi tells him to get changed and then meet him downstairs because he wants to know the truth, then he begs Sugawara not to do anything stupid.


	12. Fix Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood music:   
> Fix Me - Icon For Hire

That night Daichi couldn't eat, he picked at the food his mother had prepared, but his appetite escaped him. 

"What's the matter, Daichi?" His father questioned from across the dining table.

"I'm worried about Suga," he mumbled, his cheek resting on the ball of his palm and his free hand using his fork to flick a floret of broccoli on his plate, "I've been so stupid." 

Hotaru and Chisane shared worried glances before pressing further. 

"What do you mean, sweetie?" Chisane asked, her hand reaching to Daichi's and stroking the skin on the back of his hand softly. 

"I put him on a pedestal, I was so blinded by how well he seemed to be coping that I didn't notice that he wasn't coping," Daichi bit his lip and closed his eyes to try and stop the tears he could feel building up from escaping, "he hasn't been coping for a year now." 

"What do you mean? Daichi, what happened?" 

"When I went over earlier I caught him with a razor..." Daichi broke off, just the thought of what he'd interrupted making him feel sick, but by the look on his parent's faces he shouldn't have stopped there. "As far as I know he hasn't used it, but then he told me he's really not coping." 

"Daichi," his father said, "Sugawara is a strong fellow, but he's also been through a trauma that nobody should have to endure, and he's allowed to feel that way so long as he doesn't hurt himself or others. What you need to do is make sure it doesn't get that far." 

His mother nodded in agreement. 

"Sugawara-kun is also very proud. The fact that he's told you, and you alone, how he feels means he trusts you. Does this new knowledge make you want to find a new dance partner?" 

"No! I want to help Suga," Daichi protested, waiting for his parents to tell him not to get involved with Sugawara anymore, "I really like him and I hate seeing him like this." 

"Then help him." Both his parents said in unison, taking him by surprise. 

"But how?" 

"Be a shoulder to cry on, be someone he can count on for verbal or physical support no matter what." Chisane encouraged. 

"But don't ever let him use you as a punching bag." His father added. "It's not healthy for him to hurt you physically or emotionally, so tell him and be stern where you need to be." 

"You guys aren't gonna try to get me to stop communicating with him?" 

"Why on Earth would we do that? Sugawara-kun needs someone to trust, and if you're the only person he's told then we have no place to tell you to stop." 

"Besides, you're twenty-one," Hotaru added, "you can make your own choices." 

 

That night Daichi slept restlessly, he was indescribably worried for Sugawara. 

Similarly, Sugawara lay awake until the early hours of the morning, his mind feeling the first tendrils of hope after Daichi's appearance and his willingness to help. 

He'd had his first taste of hope in almost a year, but he was still crippled by fear. 

He hoped that one day he could become better. 

But he was scared. 

He was scared that he couldn't be fixed. 

That he wouldn't ever get better. 

He was scared that after all this time, he'd finally lose himself. 

For a year his heart, body, and mind had been encased in a crippling fear, changed beyond recognition and in ways that absolutely terrified him. 

The worst part? 

It wasn't his biggest fear that he wouldn't get better, no, definitely not. 

This state of mind had essentially become his home.

It was all he knew.

He was scared of leaving. 

Scared of getting better. 

But he desperately wanted to be free from the emotional torment that he was subjected to each and every hour whether he was awake or asleep. 

Sugawara buried the balls of his hands into his eyes, wiping at the harsh unshed tears. 

He finally fell into a fitful sleep, hoping that later that day would mark the first milestone in his recovery. 

"Fix me." 

 

Sugawara was riddled with nerves the next morning, he couldn't eat and his stomach kept cramping uncomfortably. 

His first performance since the accident, since before the accident.

Terrified was an understatement. 

To top it all off he was scared about it being awkward between Daichi and himself. After yesterday would everything really be okay? 

As the kitchen clock reached nine Sugawara found himself being ushered outside by his mother, the pair being greeted by a sleek 1941 Packard 180 LeBaron Limousine in a metallic blue parked outside their home. 

"What the--?" Sugawara as cut short by Daichi exiting the back of the vehicle, holding the door open for them. Rantsurī lightly pushed her son in the direction of the car, guiding him. 

Sugawara moved aside and argued with Rantsurī on who should enter first, he was the winner and she climbed in first. 

He then turned to Daichi, raising a questioning eyebrow to which Daichi laughed.

"My dad's a sucker for classic cars." He explained sheepishly, helping Sugawara into the back with his mother before climbing in after them. 

"Sugawara!" Hotaru greeted with a grin as he turned to face the young man, his arm resting over the back of the lowered divider window. "Are you ready for the big day?"

"No," Sugawara trembled, "I'm terrified." 

"Oh, Sugawara-kun," Chisane comforted, "you'll do just fine, your dance is beautiful." 

Small talk continued up into the venue, Hotaru drove the the front of the hall and allowed the others to exit the car. 

"Um, can I enter the back?" Sugawara asked, feeling sick to his stomach at the thought of walking through the public gallery to reach the stage. 

"Koushi, are you feeling okay?" His mother asked, immediately reaching for her son's hands to hold. 

"No, I feel sick and I'm scared of what people will think of my blade." 

"Does it really matter?" Chisane asked, turning to face the silver haired man. "If you put on a good show is there any reason for them to not like you?" 

Sugawara felt no better at her words, even though he logically knew that she was right. 

But he had a job to do.

He didn't reach for the moon just to hit the stars.

"Okay." He said with a shaky, yet not easily broken resolve. 

Daichi was already outside the door, propping it open with his body as he reached for Sugawara's hand to help him out. 

He shared a wide, supportive smile with his dance partner as they were exposed to the mass of people who were going to be their audience. 

Rantsurī also climbed out with Daichi's help, however she lingered behind the dancing duo with Chisane and Hotaru, the three whispering and conversing animatedly. 

Sugawara felt his body growing weaker at the sight of the event. 

Big was an understatement. 

It was huge. 

The audience greeted them both as well as the other dancers who were arriving. 

All eyes were on him. 

Warm fingers traced his own before his hand was interlinked with Daichi's. 

"Nobody sees the show until your heart says so." He said, steadying Sugawara's worry with his warmth.

Sugawara smiled, waving off his mother and Daichi's parents as they headed to their dressing room. 

Daichi handed him a white plastic bag, inside was their matching outfits made for the event. 

"Do you want to change behind the screen first?" Daichi then asked, Sugawara continued to look at their clothes before nodding, heading behind the concertina screen to change. 

The clothes were tight fitting, flattering. 

But he felt anything but flattered.

"Daichi...?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can you chuck me my bag?" 

"Sure, the suede satchel?" 

"Yeah." 

Moments later a long arm reached over the screen, tired and worn satchel in hand. Sugawara took it and began rooting, looking for his miniature pedicare kit. 

He pulled out the tweezers from the golden case before picking at the outside seam of his right pants leg.

He picked, he unthreaded, he rehemmed the fabric. By the time he was finished the pants were loose from mid-thigh to the bottom, falling and flowing freely around his prosthetic. 

It revealed his greatest insecurity while simultaneously hiding it from central view. 

"Okay, I'm done!" Sugawara said, walking out from behind the screen and into Daichi's line of sight. 

The latter was speechless, his jaw hanging slack almost comically. 

It made Sugawara feel just a little more confident.

He ran his fingers along the icy blue stain lace blouse sleeves, his fingers then moving to play with the oceanic green sash tied at his waist before finally rubbing the fabric of his trousers between his fingertips.

Half an hour later the pair were walking out onto the stage, ready to steal the show.


	13. Let Love In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Suga's birthday and his mum has a great surprise the day before!

Sugawara and Daichi came third in the competition, progressing to the next round in a month's time. 

They immediately sat down together, thinking up their next project to be bigger and better than the last. 

Daichi was in awe of Sugawara's mental fortitude, just a day after their fight and what appeared to be his darkest moment, he'd danced like he was weightless. 

He was way deeper than he thought he was originally, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to care. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he lifted the device to read the message off Rantsurī. 

[[RANTSURĪ: Quick! Koushi's birthday is tomorrow, would you like to come for cake?]]

Daichi read the words over and over in his mind. Birthday. 

Koushi's birthday.

Shit. 

He readily replied with confirmation before grabbing his wallet and heading to the nearest bus stop into town. 

 

Oikawa whined in his sleep as he leaned unceremoniously on Iwaizumi's arm, he twisted his body to be closer to his new fiancé and the passenger in front of them turned to take a video of the drool smeared face. 

"Man, Suga's gonna love this," the voice on the recording commented. As if Oikawa was at least semi-aware of what was transpiring he kicked the chair in front, "ow!"

"Stop harassing him, Kuro, you know he's a bad flyer." Kenma scolded, pinching the underneath of Kuroo's upper arm and making the taller man squeak and hiss. 

"Kenmaaa~" he whined in mock upset, making Bokuto laugh and startle Akaashi awake. The mood continued to remain light and airy up until they were an hour from their destination, that was when the well avoided topic had to be breached. 

"What if Suga doesn't want to see us?" 

"Nonsense!" The now awake, yet still drowsy from anti-sickness pills, Oikawa began, but his argument was cut short by his own mind. He'd never heard Sugawara tell them that he wanted to see them or that he missed them. Not even once in the year they'd been separated. 

"C'mon, this is Suga!" Bokuto said, leaning over his seat to talk to the group. "He's our friend, of course he'll be happy to see us!" 

"Bo, you don't get it," Kuroo said, "well, I don't fully get it either, but y'know, he's...gonna be affected by the accident." 

The group's attention turned to Kuroo. 

"You mean he's still gonna be bummed out about it?" Bokuto asked, a whine at the back of his throat. 

"It's called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," Akaashi said, filling the gap in the group's knowledge, "after something traumatic a person can be severely affected. I don't know a whole lot about it but we haven't seen Sugawara-san in a year. He might not be the same Sugawara-san that we remember.”

Bokuto looked frightened at the prospect of going to visit a Sugawara that wasn’t the one from when they were in college. 

“So does this mean that Sugawara won’t like Maltesers anymore?” 

“It means that he’s going to need our support,” Akaashi said, reaching for Bokuto’s hand, “he’s been through a lot.” 

The group quietened down for the rest of the journey, a dour mood surrounding the six seats that were occupied by them. 

 

When the group finally made it out of the airport and outside to the pick-up bay, they looked around for Rantsurī, spotting her to their left. 

She noticed them too, waving and beckoning them over. 

“Rantsurī-san, it’s wonderful to see you again.” Akaashi spoke first as the group approached her. 

“Likewise, look at all of you! Gosh you’re all so grown up and mature now!” 

“How’s Suga-chan?” Oikawa asked, meeting her gaze with a desperate need to know how his friend was. 

“Um, he’s getting there, I suppose…” She said, trailing off with a lack of anything better to say. “I mean, Dai-chan has helped him a lot and I think he’s coming out the other side of it now.” 

“What do you mean? How bad did he get?” Kenma asked, immediately catching onto her out of character behaviour. 

“He… He really struggled, and when you all left he became rather reclusive,” Rantsurī explained, “but his operation was a success and he’s entered a local competition!” 

They were ushered into the mini-van taxi that Rantsurī had flagged down while she was waiting for the group, Rantsurī giving the driver her address. 

“So he’s dancing again?” Oikawa asked, unable to hide his gleeful smile. 

“Yeah, he and Daichi came third in the first round.” She responded. 

“Go Suga!” Kuroo shouted, closely followed by Bokuto. 

Rantsurī watched the group happily, hoping that Sugawara would be ready like she asked him to be by the time she got back. 

Keeping his friends’ visit secret from her son had been difficult, so incredibly difficult, his sad eyes made her want to give him everything in the world to make him happy but she felt powerless to do so. 

The taxi pulled up outside her house and she paid the driver, she shushed the six men and checked the lower floor of the house before ushering the men into the living room to put their bags down.

She moved to the bottom of the staircase, shouting up to Sugawara that she was home, beckoning for Sugawara’s friends to follow in silence, using her footsteps to hide theirs.

Rantsurī knocked on her son’s bedroom door.

“Hang on,” his voice sounded strange and the friends shared a look, “let me just finish getting dressed.” There was a definite quiver to his voice. 

Oikawa didn’t wait. 

“We’ve seen you in a worse state than naked, Suga-chaaan~” He called as he opened the door, not expecting to see Sugawara perched on his bed with tears falling from his eyes. 

The rest of the group moved to peek around Oikawa’s form, but the brunette quickly slipped inside the room and slammed the door tightly, jamming the handle with the nearest thing he could find. 

“Suga-chan?” Oikawa waited until the muffled noises from outside ceased before walking over to his friend. “What’s wrong?” 

Sugawara hadn’t spoken at all since seeing Oikawa. 

He was terrified. Why was he here? 

“Oikawa…” He hiccupped as his tears continued, he clutched onto the other male like his life depended on it. 

Oikawa’s arms returned Sugawara’s desperate hold and he remained quiet. He’d talk when Sugawara wanted to. 

“Why are you here?” Sugawara finally asked after what felt like hours, a rapid succession of sniffles following his question. 

“Can’t we all come home to see out dear friend on his birthday~?” Oikawa asked, Sugawara noticed how Oikawa was trying to lighten the mood with a teasing tone. 

“Wait, everyone is here?” 

“Of course we are, Suga-chan!” Oikawa said, hugging his friend closer, he carded his fingers through Sugawara’s hair and teased the long, unruly strands on his scalp as he began to list the people who’d come back with him. “Me, Iwa-chan, Kuroo-chan, Kenma-chan, Aka-chan, and Bokuto-chan.” 

Sugawara couldn’t believe that they’d all come back for his birthday. For him. 

“Thank you so much…” Sugawara sniffled again. 

“Don’t thank us Suga-chan~” Oikawa said with a smile, one of his rare and genuine smiles. 

The pair fell into a silence that Oikawa noticed was different to their silences when they were still in college. It was then that Akaashi’s words from the plane hit him like a ton of bricks. 

“Suga-chan…” He swallowed, how was he meant to ask a question with offending the one he was asking? Making them feel like they were weak? “Are you coping okay?”

Sugawara was silent, a blank stare on his face. 

“I have my days…” Oikawa was glad, so it was only a few days where he felt bad-- “Good days, I mean… I have my odd good day, where I wake up and feel weightless, like everything is okay and I’ve finally accepted what happened as just a memory.” 

Oikawa watched as Sugawara’s hand found his prosthetic and rubbed absent mindedly at the foot of it, arranging himself into fetal position.

“But then I have days where I’m exhausted, I try and try to keep myself together, but my mind is a kaleidoscope, I can’t hide away from my problems and I relive them in excruciating detail. I pushed everyone away because I didn’t want to be compared to myself before the accident and people see that I'm beyond repair. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I insane?”

Oikawa listened deeply to his friend ramble, he noticed just how fragmented Sugawara’s mind was, how he couldn’t fully articulate himself. 

“I’ve been fooling everyone, but just until I get better.” Sugawara stated before his voice and head dipped. “But I’m terrified,” his toes curled, and his grip tightened on his wrists, “I’m terrified that I’ll be faking forever.” Tears began falling again. “I don’t need answers; but I want them. What went wrong inside my head?” 

“Suga-chan…there’s nothing wrong with your head.” Oikawa shut down Sugawara’s question with a quick kiss to his forehead and a reassuring ruffle of his hair before addressing anything else. “Come on,” he gripped Sugawara’s hands and pulled him to his feet, “let’s dance!”


	14. Happy Hurts... Sometimes

Sugawara would’ve been lying if he said that dancing with his friends, eating with them, and then being woken up on his birthday by all of them piling on top of him hadn’t been fun, nostalgic. 

But their banter and good-natured harassment was exhausting after so long without it. 

Oikawa hadn’t told any of them the things that Sugawara had disclosed to him, and for that he was glad, he’d tell them in his own time. 

When his phone buzzed with a message from Daichi, the banter with his friends became ruthless. 

“What does he want?” Kuroo asked, trying to steal Sugawara’s phone.

“None of your business!” Sugawara crowed as Kuroo began tickling him without mercy. 

“Sexting?!” 

“No! We’re not even a couple yet!”

“Aw, waiting until you’re a couple, how sweet.” Oikawa teased. 

Sugawara made off to the bathroom, escaping his many friend’s grasps to read the message in peace. 

[[DAICHI: Wanna go on a d8 today??] 

Wait, had he read that right? 

Date.

A Date. 

[[YOU: Sure what time?]]

[[DAICHI: 12?]] 

Shit. 

Two hours. 

[[YOU: Sure!]]

[[DAICHI: Gr8! Ill pick u up!]]

Sugawara screamed. 

“You guys! You guys!” He cried, rushing into his room. “He wants me to go on a date!!” 

The room erupted into various cheers and rude gestures. 

“Get it, Suga!” Kuroo laughed, leaning back on his bedroom wall. 

“Get your ass in the shower!” Oikawa demanded.

“We’re not dating! He won’t be needing to see my ass!” 

“Get it clean just in case!” Kuroo called, making Sugawara blush furiously. 

Kenma, Iwaizumi, and Akaashi all shared glances of annoyance at their respective partners.

“No! We may have kissed once but that’s it!” Admittedly that was a lie, they’d also been flirting over text and there had been plenty of cuddling, and a lot of growing sexual tension, but neither of them had approached the topic of dating. 

“WHAT!?” Oikawa, Kuroo, and Bokuto all screeched, even the other three unable to contain their surprise. 

“You heard me!” Sugawara said, going over to his chest of drawers and getting clean underwear and socks, he then went to his wardrobe, selecting jeans and a shirt to wear for their date. “Now I need to get a shower--” he saw Kuroo open his mouth to make a comment, “--so I can wash my hair.”

“Shave it too!”

“Fuck off, you tool!” 

Sugawara removed his prosthetic once he’d entered the bathroom, an idea formulating in his mind. He grabbed the waterproof prosthetic that he used as a go-between, throwing it at his bedroom door and hearing it hit the wood with a thud. 

He left the bathroom door slightly ajar, listening to the fallout of his actions. His bedroom door opened first, then there was a silence, the metaphorical calm before the metaphorical storm. Then there was the scream. 

He cackled as he hopped over to the shower wet room, sitting on his assistance chair and turning on the stream of water. He detached the shower head and guided the water to his hair, washing the silver locks and for the first time noticing just how long it had become. 

The strands were heavy and fell far past his ears. 

How hadn’t he noticed such a change before? 

He ran his fingers through and they got caught in silver knots at the nape of his neck. 

Sugawara hissed in slight pain before reaching for his mother’s shampoo and conditioner 2-in-1. Cherry blossom. 

He liked that smell. 

He poured more than what was necessary into his palm and began rubbing his scalp thoroughly. 

He rinsed the suds from his hair before lathering more in for good measure before rinsing again. 

Next, he washed his body using his sweat pea rose body wash. 

He towel dried himself off while still sat on his plastic chair, Sugawara then wrapped the towel around his head to contain his wet hair, he rubbed talcum powder into his stump to avoid chaffing before starting to get dressed. 

An idea came to Sugawara’s mind as he pulled his underwear up his leg and hooked them onto his stump. 

He could easily scare all of them by going in there with no prosthetic on. 

So that’s exactly what he did. 

Sugawara shakily stood on his left foot, leaving his clothing inside the bathroom he used the walls to support him as he jumped forward. 

His bedroom door was shut and he gripped the handle with one hand, the door frame with the other. 

He burst open the door with a laugh and jumped into the room. The group in the room made various noises of surprise before going quiet.

That wasn’t the reaction he’d been wanting to get.

“Oh my God, Suga-chan…” Oikawa was the first to speak. 

“Sugawara-san,” Akaashi began before pausing to consider his words, “may I see it properly?” 

“Huh? Haven’t you guys already seen it?” 

“Only ever wrapped in a bandage, Sugawara-san.” 

“Oh, well, okay.” Sugawara said and Kuroo rushed to help him sit on his bed across his bedroom. “Could someone get my clothes and proper prosthetic from the bathroom please?”

“Sure, I’ll go get them.” Kenma said, leaving the room and heading into the bathroom, when he returned that was when Sugawara finally let his friends see the state of his leg.

His skin was scarred, they were deep and looked a lot like scar tissue. 

“You’re so strong, Suga,” Bokuto said in a whisper, “it looks so painful…” 

Sugawara didn’t answer. 

He hoped that showing them would’ve helped him. 

But he was wrong. 

He felt vulnerable.

He covered his face with his hands and just peeked through his fingers at his friend’s reactions, watching their faces down to the tiniest muscle twitch. 

“I- I can’t…” He finally stammered, doing everything that he could to hide his insecurity. 

Kenma quickly handed him his prosthetic leg when he heard Sugawara’s strained voice. 

“Get changed, we’re sorry, Suga, okay?” He said, quickly sitting beside Sugawara and giving him a firm hug that was over far too quickly for Sugawara. “We’ll go wait downstairs.” 

 

At half eleven Daichi arrived to pick up Sugawara. He endured teasing a torment from his rambunctious friends before Sugawara finally came down.

Sugawara hurried the process, shooing Daichi from the house, but his odd behaviour didn’t escape Daichi’s notice. 

Once they were out of earshot Daichi couldn’t resist asking him what was wrong. 

“Is everything okay, Suga?” 

He honestly didn’t expect much of an answer, especially not after the week before where Sugawara had pushed him away. 

“Have you made reservations anywhere?” 

“No, I wasn’t sure where you wanted to go so I didn’t do anything like that.”

“I’m sorry, I just, I had a bad morning so can we just go somewhere where we can be alone? No socialising?”

Daichi listened to what Sugawara was saying before deciding where he could take him. 

“That’s fine; I know the perfect place. But can we just go shopping first?”

“Yeah…” 

The pair headed down the street and onto the main high street.

 

After shopping, Daichi lead Sugawara back to his home, however, instead of going in through the front door he headed around the side towards an outhouse that Sugawara had only ever seen at a passing glance because it was mostly obscured from view by the thick trees in the gardens. 

Daichi opened the door and he stepped inside, the smell of chlorine instantly invading his senses. 

He looked around the long room, to his left was a full window wall, the deepest end of the swimming pool pressed almost completely against the glass. The pool was longer than it was wide, but it wasn’t the type of pool that was appropriate to do laps in. 

To his right was a small wooden sauna hut as well as a stone decking with seats, two doors behind the seating area Sugawara guessed lead to the bathroom and the changing rooms, or something. 

“Is this okay?” Daichi asked. “Today my parents go out shopping so they won’t be using the pool. Oh! There’s also a jacuzzi so if you need to relax then we can go in there too.”

“This is amazing.” Sugawara gasped in poorly concealed awe. “Thank you.”

Daichi’s grin made Sugawara’s heart falter, he looked so genuinely happy and all because he’d made Sugawara feel the same. 

“Shall we get changed then?” Sugawara asked, finally understanding why Daichi got him to pick out a pair of swimming trunks. 

“Right this way!” Daichi said, leading Sugawara towards one of the bamboo doors, they went inside and changed into their newly bought swimming kits. 

Sugawara removed his prosthetic once more, if he couldn’t get it wet then he could only guess what chlorine water would do to it. 

Daichi seemed happy enough to swim in the pool and let Sugawara have his own time in the jacuzzi. 

He knew he could trust Daichi.

He understood.

He knew that sometimes Sugawara needed quiet to think. 

He knew that even in those times that Sugawara hated to be alone. 

He respected his mental and emotional boundaries. 

That he needs to rest and recharge more often than a normal person. 

But Daichi also didn’t treat him any different.

He just went along with Sugawara’s flow, trusting that Sugawara would know when to stop or slow down. 

Sugawara had realised a long time ago that he was far too deep. 

But he couldn’t bring himself to care.


	15. Blue Suede Shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Elvis. Sue me.

“Hey, Daichi?” Sugawara asked, looking over at the man who was now sitting opposite him in the foaming water. His eyes were shut and his face was relaxed, his head bowed backwards on his shoulders as his elbows held him up on the side of the jacuzzi.

“Yeah?” 

“I understand if I’m overstepping the boundaries here, or overstaying my welcome.” Sugawara began, looking down into the water. “But could I stay the night?”

“What about your friends?” 

“It’s…” Sugawara began. “It’s been so long, their antics are draining for me now. I understand if you say no, I just, y’know…” 

“I’d love to have you stay over.” Daichi said, watching Sugawara’s face lift in happiness. 

He shuffled closer to Sugawara along the jacuzzi bench, he stroked some of Sugawara’s hair from his face and tucked it behind his left ear, his thumb then grazed over his beauty mark gently. 

“Suga, I need to tell you something.” Daichi began. “I was really hurt from the other day, but I was selfish.”

“Huh? What do you mean, Daichi?” 

“I mean, well… You’re inspiring, Suga, God, you’re so strong, you’ve hidden your pain and then you’ve entrusted it to me. But I was selfish. I put you on this pedestal, you’d been through so much and always seemingly bounced back. I didn’t even think to question it. I was just happy that you were recovering in my eyes.”

“Daichi…”

“I never thought I’d see you on your knees as a slave to your demons, so it stung. But I want you to know that I know everything has changed for you, I know your world had slipped away and that you’d been clawing and fighting your way back. And I’ll never, ever leave you in the dark.”

Daichi watched Sugawara’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. 

“Let me be your partner, more than just for dancing, I want to be your partner for life.” 

Sugawara let out a watery laugh before resting his head on Daichi’s shoulder.

“Okay, you can be my life partner as well as my dance partner.” Sugawara scoffed. “But only if we can get out now and cuddle. I’m getting all pruney.” Holding his hands up as proof of his skin’s now wrinkly appearance. 

Daichi laughed as well, his laughter just as watery as Sugawara’s.

“Deal.”

 

Later that evening Sugawara and Daichi were making something to eat when Sugawara learned another titbit of information about Daichi.

And his heart fluttered at the new side of his partner. 

It had all started when Daichi had revealed his vinyl player and collection to Sugawara. 

Unknowingly Sugawara fitted the needle onto the record, wondering what kind of music Daichi loved enough to leave the record on the player.

There was silence as Sugawara walked back to the kitchen area, and then the song began playing.

Elvis Presley. 

Daichi was an Elvis Presley fanboy.

Sugawara looked at the horror filled expression on Daichi’s face and burst into laughter. 

“Is this your guilty pleasure?” He cackled, clutching onto the kitchen worktop to avoid falling over. “Oh my God, Dai, that’s adorable!”

Sugawara began tapping on the marble worktop in time to the song, watching as Daichi struggled to come up with an excuse or reason for his love of the singer. So Sugawara decided to cut him some slack.

“While I don’t know this song, I do like his voice.”

“I can’t help falling in love with you,” Sugawara’s jaw dropped at the words, about to respond with a scolding, “that’s the name of the song.” 

“You jerk!” Sugawara teased, hearing the next song starting and grinning. “Lilo and Stitch!”

Daichi laughed and watched as Sugawara began to dance along to the song, kicking his legs and clicking his fingers, he shimmied his upper body forward and then back again, skipping and swinging a tea towel in his hands.

Daichi couldn’t help but join in. He stole the towel in Sugawara’s hands and threw it across the kitchen. 

“Your kisses lift me higher,” Daichi began to sing, as they stood side by side, kicking their legs in time with the music and one another, “like a sweet song of the choir.” 

They turned to face each other and Daichi gripped Sugawara’s hand and dipped him low before pulling him back up and spinning him in place. 

“You light my morning sky, with burning love.” 

The pair began dancing together, chest to chest, spinning together and moving their feet together in a battle of give and take over floor space. 

By now Daichi was out of breath from both singing and dancing but he refused to give up.

They continued to jive with one another throughout the song, Sugawara joining in with Daichi for the outro. 

“I’m just a hunk, a hunk of burning love!”

The pair began to laugh as the song faded out and the next song began to play. Daichi perked up at the introduction.

“Got another dance in you, Suga?” 

“Oh yeah.” Sugawara picked up on his excitement almost immediately and with a grin he let Daichi lead the dance this time. 

“One for the money, two for the show, three to get read, no go, cat, go!” Daichi sang as he spun in place.

Daichi took Sugawara’s hands and began waltzing with him, still retaining the Jive footwork they moved around the kitchen quickly, he spun Sugawara out to arm’s length before bringing him back against his chest and then spinning him to stand next to him. 

"Well you can knock me down, step on my face, slander my name all over the place." 

They tapped their right feet across the floor, kicking sideways, backwards and forwards while clapping and lifting their arms into the air. 

"Do anything you want, but uh-uh, honey lay off of my shoes." 

Daichi jumped high before gripping under Sugawara’s arms as the smaller man parted his legs and slid down onto the floor. 

“You can burn my house, steal my car, drink my liquor from an old fruit jar.”

As Sugawara climbed back onto his feet Daichi’s arm wrapped around his waist, Sugawara’s left middle finger and thumb began clicking with an exaggerated flick of his arm. 

"Don't you step on my blue suede shoes, you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes!" They both shimmied their hips and both jumped into the air, spinning before landing out of breath and twirling into each other’s arms.

They heard the sound of clapping from the kitchen doorway, both Daichi’s parents praising their performance. 

“Have you two been working on that?” Chisane asked, her voice barely containing her excitement and as she walked over and leaned over the kitchen island. 

“N- No.” Daichi stammered, Sugawara watched his embarrassed face and wondered if he didn’t dance very often in his parent’s company. 

“That was a splendid Jive!” Hotaru praised, moving forward with his wife. “Even more so if it was freestyle!” 

Sugawara couldn’t believe that he was being praised by his idol. For a moment he felt completely starstruck, a blinding grin on his face. 

“Thank you!” 

“You both must be incredibly in sync., to pull something so synchronised out of thin air!” Chisane continued to praise. “Oh! Sugawara-kun, it’s rather apt but we got you a little something for your birthday!” 

Hotaru took the cue and went out into the hallway before bringing out a wrapped box. 

Daichi moved beside his mother to get a better glimpse of the present, the pair rested their elbows on the worktop to peer over at Sugawara who took the gift and thanked them all, insisting that they didn’t have to get him anything. 

He opened the present wrapping to reveal a cardboard shoe box. For a moment he was perplexed, but as he lifted the lid it all became clear. 

“Oh my goodness, you really didn’t have to…” Sugawara gasped, lifting the black-blue leather dancing shoes that were perfectly fitted for his blade up. 

“Well we wanted to. We could feel your anxiety about your leg so we wanted to get you a little something that you would feel comfortable in and that would hide your blade when you needed them to.”

“Thank you so much,” Sugawara said.

“Daichi, have you given him his gift yet?” Chisane asked.

“No, not yet, it’s upstairs.” 

“Oh, it’s one of those gifts.” Chisane coolly stated. 

“No!!” Daichi blushed furiously. 

Sugawara felt his face heating up too at the insinuation. 

“Go on, let him open his present, we’ll finish dinner, right Chisane?” 

Daichi’s mother nodded in agreement, dismissing the boys from the kitchen with a bright smile. 

“I’m concerned about what they think we’ll be doing.” Daichi muttered as they walked upstairs, earning a chuckle from Sugawara. 

“They can think what they want, only we’ll know the truth.” Sugawara said, following Daichi up the wooden staircase. “What do you want to do?” 

“Urm, what about watch a movie?” 

“Oooh, yeah!” Sugawara grinned to himself before adding. "I wonder who you're dating, me or Elvis." 

Daichi let out a tired groan. 

"You're never gonna let that go, are you?" 

"Hell no. Elvis isn't dead, I heard him on the radio."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to watch [Jonnie Peacock](https://youtu.be/Nv20Unnr6x4) Jive on Strictly Come Dancing, the dances in this chapter are loosely influenced by this one (he's also got a prosthetic like Suga!) 
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://tatsuhimegajevy.tumblr.com)


	16. Lost In Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda the third part of Suga's birthday? By uploading this one it only leaves me with a two chapter buffer instead of three, and chapter buffers are important to me. But it didn't make sense to not put this one up with the other two.

The next morning Sugawara awoke to the feeling of an unfamiliar warmth beside him, he turned to see Daichi still sleeping, his features relaxed. 

He face began to heat up at the realisation that they’d slept next to one another all night, but he took the moment to admire Daichi.

He’d honestly never felt so happy, so free.

It was all because of this man. 

He knew it would come to end, he knew that happiness like this never stayed forever. 

He’d eventually fall, cry, and be filled with hopelessness. 

So for now, he allowed himself to get lost in his own paradise. 

The brief respite where he was safe from harm and safe from his mind’s inner workings. 

Daichi had seen him at his lowest point and still loved him despite that. Sugawara knew they’d be okay. 

Maybe tomorrow he would stress, he’d worry about the future of their relationship, but for as long as he felt content he wouldn’t let himself get taken over by worry. 

Daichi stirred slightly under his gaze, slowly opening him eyes that then widened at the sight of Sugawara lying beside him. 

“Mornin’,” Daichi greeted, his voice still thick with sleep, “you okay?”

“Morning,” Sugawara replied and quickly kissed him, pulling away with a smile, “never better.” 

“Shit,” Daichi cursed, sitting up quickly, “I totally forgot about your present.”

Sugawara buried his face into his pillow and let out a muffled groan. 

“Later, too cold.” 

Daichi gave his a sceptical and also amused look, cocking an eyebrow. 

“It’s the middle of June.”

“Yet your body is still a heater.” 

“I can’t control my body temperature.”

“Then take responsibility and keep me warm.” 

Daichi chuckled before wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and burying his face in his hair. 

“It’s so long now,” Daichi said as his played with the strands of hair at the back, “are you gonna keep it this way?” 

Sugawara hummed thoughtfully and his fingers joined Daichi’s at the nape of his neck. 

“I don’t know,” he replied, teasing the hair between his fingers, “I’ve never had it this long before, well, I know it’s not exactly long, more like a choppy jaw length bob, but it’s long for me.” 

“Well I think it looks very attractive on you, maybe get it restyled at this length and see how it goes?” 

“Yeah… or I could leave it and once I’m fixed get it cut back to my usual length.”

“Suga, you honestly don’t think that you need to fix yourself, do you?” 

“I was kinda hoping that you’d do it.”

“Suga, I can’t do that.” Daichi stopped Sugawara from protesting. “I can’t fix you, everything you need and the answers that you want are all inside you. I want to help you, but I can’t fix you; there’s nothing to fix.”

“There’s everything to fix!” 

“No, Suga, you fix something that’s physical, the doctors fixed your prosthetic.” Daichi rested his hand on Sugawara’s right thigh just above his stump, he’d never touched the thick scar tissue before, but he ran his fingers over it anyway, watching Sugawara flinch and shift away slightly. “Does it hurt?” 

“No…There’s just so much scarring and I’m the only one who touches it, so it’s sensitive.” Sugawara explained, shifting his position to hide it. “You’re not put off by it?” 

“Why would I be?” Daichi asked, also shifting his position to accommodate Sugawara’s. 

“It’s ugly.” 

“It’s not, it’s a badge of honour,” Daichi argued, resting his hand back on his right thigh, “it’s a symbol that you’ve survived something that I don’t know if I could’ve. You survived the initial accident, you survived the aftermath, you danced again.” 

“It’s still ugly,” Sugawara said, looking at Daichi through the corner of his eyes, “the scars reach a lot farther than the injury. I have burn scars from the lights, I have scars on my back and ass because they needed to operate there as well. I’m broken.” 

“What can I do to prove that you’re bullshitting?” 

Sugawara shrugged, looking anywhere but Daichi. 

So Daichi stood up. 

“Dai? Where are you going?” 

Daichi didn’t say anything, just lifted his sleep shirt over his head to reveal his torso, all Sugawara could see was his back, but decorating Daichi’s back was uncountable silver lines. 

They started at his hips, spreading outwards and disappearing around the curves of his sides, but they all spread upwards, along his ribs, shoulder blades, and up and over his shoulders. 

“Does this mean that I’m broken too?” Daichi asked, turning around to face Sugawara, sure enough the slivers of silver followed around onto most of his front. Sugawara was almost spellbound by how they shimmered in the light, disappearing all together when concealed in the shadows of his muscular figure, no light to illuminate them. 

“No, you’re not broken,” Sugawara whispered, “they’re signs of growth.”

“So what about you? Look at how far you’ve come as a direct result of what happened, tell me that that’s not also growth, a different kind of growth, but still a growth nonetheless.” 

Daichi turned back around to show Sugawara the worst affected part of his body once more. But he was taken by surprise by the soft, cold fingers that began tracing lines over his skin. 

“Fuck your hands are cold, what the hell?” 

“I told you to take responsibility.” Sugawara said, a clear smile in his voice, it broke into a fit of giggles and squeals as Daichi turned around and began scratching at his sides and stomach, trapping him against the bed and not letting up on his assault on Sugawara’s skin. 

“You’re cheeky.” 

“Well, I do have five.” 

“What?” Daichi asked in bewilderment, had he heard that right? 

“These,” Sugawara began, pointing to his face and his blindingly bright smile, “my ass,” Sugawara said, dropping his hands from his face and grasping at Daichi’s still clothed behind, making Daichi jump in the process, “I couldn’t exactly reach mine, but I proved my point so,” Sugawara pulled tongues.

“I know what the fifth one is, you little pain in the ass,” Daichi said with a laugh, “your attitude.” 

“Bingo~”

Daichi laughed before starting his onslaught on Sugawara’s stomach again, the pair ended up play fighting, wrestling with each other.

Despite his disadvantage Sugawara ended up on top, grinning happily at Daichi who returned the smile before craning his neck and kissing Sugawara’s stump. 

“You realise that thing gets sweaty as fuck right?”

“I--” he kissed it again, “--couldn’t care--”, and again, “--less.”

Sugawara blushed and hid behind his hands.

“You’re so embarrassing…” 

“You’re the only one who gets to see me like this.” Daichi said with a smile.

The pair lay together for a little while before Sugawara spoke again. 

“Can I get a shower?” 

“Sure, but will you be okay? We don’t have any assistance stuff like at your house.” 

“Who said I’ll be alone?” Sugawara said, looking at Daichi. “I’ll have my hunk of love to help me.” He batted his eyelashes. 

“You’re never going to let the Elvis thing go, are you?” 

“Nope~ It was so fucking cute!” 

 

Daichi ended up giving Sugawara a piggy back into his ensuite, Sugawara claimed it was so he didn’t have to hop or attach his prosthetic to walk three metres, but Daichi knew it was because Sugawara was a very large koala. 

Once in the bathroom Sugawara was once again struck by awe at the sight of the wealth displayed in somewhere like a bathroom. 

Remote control blinds started rolling down when Daichi flipped a switch on the wall, another switch turned on mood lighting hidden away in the coving. 

“Is there a colour in particular you want, Suga?” 

“Um, I don’t know, what about you?”

“Just leave it on changeable then?” 

“Sure.” 

Sugawara leaned on the tiled wall, stripping from his clothes while trying not to stare at Daichi who was setting the water temperature. 

Daichi removed the remainder of his own clothes before turning to Sugawara to see if he needed help. 

Instead he saw a frown across his features, grace oozing from him in waves. 

“My scars are beautiful and real.” 

“They are.” Daichi said, unable to contain his smile as he took in the full sight of the scars across Sugawara’s thigh, hips and up his back. “Would you like some help?” 

“Yeah,” Sugawara replied, his voice a little shaky, “please.” 

Daichi approached him, supporting his right side and aiding Sugawara to the shower. 

He helped Sugawara step under the stream of warm water before joining him. 

Both their faces burned with embarrassment, as they helped clean each other, several times getting side tracked by bubble beards and soaped up mohawks. 

They laughed and joked before deciding to get out, and Sugawara was happy.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://tatsuhimegajevy.tumblr.com) for art for my current stories and my WIPs that don't yet have a three chapter buffer. And come talk to me if you want!


	17. Take Responsibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating change and new tags~

Over the days after their biggest development Daichi and Sugawara began to practice their next dance. This one was more Sugawara’s forte, fast and full of energetic movements. 

His friends returned to their regular jobs and his routine returned. And for that Sugawara was glad. 

For their next performance they decided to do a Jive, after how well the Jive had worked in Daichi’s kitchen. 

They still practiced, Sugawara making good use of the shoes that Daichi’s parents had bought him.

The practiced for at least nine hours a day, but they always had a rest day each week, and Sugawara couldn’t have been happier when that day came. 

“Koushi, I’m nipping out, okay?” 

“No worries, mama, have fun with whatever you do. And if you see Val you give her what for, ‘kay?” 

Rantsurī laughed at her son’s words before leaving the house. 

Sugawara finished his bowl of cereal before taking the cutlery into the kitchen and leaving his bowl in the sink. 

He moved to the counter and put the box of cereal still out away in one of the cupboards and then put the milk away in the fridge. 

Sugawara honestly hoped that he was beginning to recover from the mind-numbing illness that had been slowly destroying his being. 

But that was when he heard a thump from upstairs. 

At first he told himself that it was nothing, that the house was just stirring, it was old, it often moved with just a slight breeze. But that didn’t ease his worry when he heard another, louder bang. 

What if the house was going to fall on him? 

He eyed the ceiling, watching out for signs he logically knew wouldn’t be there.

Was that a crack?

Yes, but that crack had been there for years.

But was it always that big? 

That wasn’t a crack, it was a crevasse. 

It was going to fall on him. 

He rushed into the living room, trying to escape the feeling that he was going to get trapped again. 

He began to notice all of the cracks in the walls. 

He knew logically that they had been there for years, that they were only superficial. But another loud bang had him cowering in the corner, fetal position and protecting the back of his head and neck with his hands. 

“Suga?” 

He looked up, grateful to see Daichi, but also terrified, what if it fell on him too?

“Daichi, it’s gonna fall.” He whimpered.

“What do you mean, Suga? Are you okay?” 

“The ceiling…” He continued to tremble. 

Daichi looked up and examined the ceiling, noting nothing but the superficial cracks. 

He was grateful that he’d started reading up on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

“Suga,” he said, “I promise you that it’s not falling, but let me show you something.” 

He gently coaxed Sugawara from his position on the floor. 

“Did you know that in houses like these ones the safest place to be in an earthquake is the door frame?”

“Isn’t that a load of horse shit?”

“Only half horse shit, older houses like yours have stronger door frames than the newer houses, so if you ever feel like it’s gonna collapse stand like this in the doorway.” 

Daichi moved into the doorway, bracing his forearms on the frame, holding the top of the door frame and moving his feet into the corners at the bottom. 

Sugawara nodded as he took it in, watching Daichi and putting his faith in his words.

“I’ll be safe?” 

“As safe as you could ever want to be.” 

Sugawara smiled slightly, quickly hugging Daichi in thanks. 

But Daichi didn’t let him go. 

 

They spent most of the afternoon lazing around, Sugawara being exhausted from his panic earlier in the day. 

Daichi sat on the bed with Sugawara leaning back against him, he traced patterns with the tips of his fingers along Sugawara’s arms and shoulders, easing the other man into a light sleep. 

He continued to stroke up and down Sugawara’s arms, lightly pressing his lips to the crook of his neck, moving up to kiss the shell of his ear. 

Sugawara mumbled something illegible, and shifted in Daichi’s arms. 

Daichi continued to observe as he noticed Sugawara’s pulse point in his neck, a slow and steady beat making his skin flutter, it was then that Daichi noticed an extra beat disturb the pattern. 

Sugawara’s hand landed on his chest, the side of his face pressing into Daichi’s left pectoral. 

Cute. 

Daichi kissed the top of Sugawara’s head, running his fingers along Sugawara’s spine and around to his side, eliciting a full body shiver from the silver haired man. 

Interesting. 

He did it again, making Sugawara’s body spasm with shivers at his touch, especially in one place in particular. 

Between his shoulder blades. 

Daichi did it again, using one finger and rubbing between his shoulder blades, earning a whine from Sugawara. 

“Stop making me feel things…” 

Daichi couldn’t contain his chuckle, only succeeding in making it quieter. 

“Don’t you like it?” 

Sugawara hummed in annoyance at being caught out. 

“I guess it doesn’t feel bad.” 

“Then can I carry on?” 

“Only if you take responsibility.” Sugawara smiled with a false sweetness. 

“Gladly.” 

Daichi began running his fingers up and down Sugawara’s spine slowly, eventually his ministrations moved lower. 

“This okay?” 

“Refer to my earlier statement.” 

“If I take responsibility?” 

“Yeah.” 

Daichi shifted himself so that he was no longer under Sugawara, he kept Sugawara on his front as he stroked down his back. He lifted his shirt and began kissing down his spine instead, making Sugawara gasp in slight surprise.

Sugawara turned his head to look over his shoulder, watching as Daichi kept kissing down his back, his hand slipping around Sugawara’s waist and stroking his along his stomach with featherlight touches.

Daichi noticed how Sugawara struggled to maintain his position with the prosthetic in the way. 

He tapped his thigh. 

“Roll over,” he quietly coaxed as he helped Sugawara lay on his back, “how’s this?” 

“Good.” 

Sugawara grasped Daichi’s face between his hands, their lips clashing passionately. Daichi immediately began returning the languid kiss, in no real rush to let it end.

They finally parted so Daichi could remove Sugawara’s shirt and then his own.

His hands lightly grazed over Sugawara’s chest and down across his nipples, the skin turning pink. 

As it turned out, they were both full-body blushers. 

Daichi kept his touch gentle as his hand skimmed across Sugawara’s ribs and down his sides, finally settling on his hips.

“Suga,” Daichi breathed, his thumbs hooking his waist band, “are you okay with this?” 

Sugawara’s head shook slightly. 

Daichi understood. 

“Do you want me to stop completely or just leave your pants on?” 

“Don’t stop,” Sugawara said, “please don’t stop, just, y’know…”

“Yeah, I know.” Daichi responded, kissing him again softly and soothingly. 

Sugawara gasped as Daichi left a trail of bites down his chest, stopping once again to tease his flushed nipples, rolling one between his forefinger and thumb and lightly sucking the other. 

The noises that Sugawara made from his touch made Daichi need to shift his body to try and relive some of the tightness in his pants. 

Daichi continued to trail kisses down Sugawara’s torso, nipping at each hip bone and leaving small red marks in his wake. 

Sugawara’s ivory skin was perfect for leaving his mark. 

Daichi eased Sugawara’s remaining clothes just low enough to access his erection, licking the head almost experimentally before taking him in his mouth.

Sugawara’s back arched and his right hand gripped Daichi’s hair as he let out a loud, uninhibited moan. 

He struggled to keep his hips still as Daichi built up a steady pace. 

He could feel his skin down to his chest heating up as Daichi worked him up to his release and he couldn’t control the sounds that escaped his mouth. 

Sugawara was far too gone to care. 

“Dai- Daichi…” He whimpered as his muscles low in his stomach began to tighten and heat pooled there. 

Suddenly Daichi pulled back, covering Sugawara with his body and lining them up, working them together. 

“Wanna…together.” Daichi explained brokenly, moving his hand quicker. 

It was all too much for Sugawara, he cried out and wrapped his arms around Daichi neck as he found his release. 

Daichi continued to work Sugawara through his orgasm, following shortly after with a drawn out moan in Sugawara’s ear. 

For a while they just lay together, enjoying the feeling of being in each other’s arms, relaxed and blissed out. 

“It’s starting to feel really gross now, can we get another shower?” Sugawara questioned, looking at the mess and grimacing. 

“Yeah, good idea.” Daichi said, hearing the front door downstairs open and Rantsurī call up to them to let them know she was home. “You go first,” Daichi quickly said, reaching for the box of tissues on Sugawara’s window ledge, “I’ll keep Rantsurī-san busy.” 

Daichi quickly cleaned himself up and fixed his underwear before redonning his shirt and pants. He helped Sugawara to the bathroom before heading downstairs to talk to Rantsurī.


	18. A Brilliant Game You Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, angst, angst....with a happy ending.
> 
> Exploration of what intense mental health issues can do to a physical body

It was after their second contest - resulting in maintaining third place - when Daichi noticed Sugawara’s insistence about being fixed begin to grow again. 

He was growing frustrated. In the past month Sugawara had gone through phases where he was okay, and others where he wasn’t and cried for Daichi to fix him. 

But how could Daichi fix something-- someone who didn’t need fixing? 

How could he help someone who didn’t want to help himself, would rather someone else did it for him?

He couldn’t. 

He couldn’t do any of it. 

As they reached his bedroom, Daichi shut the door behind them, hoping they could have a nice time with one another before Sugawara had to go home.

“One day I’ll be fixed.” Sugawara spoke, removing his dress shirt from the dance and changing into his plain clothes. “And we can be happy.”

“Suga, we are happy.” Daichi said, growing closer and closer to losing his temper from the non-stop comments from his partner. 

“Yeah, but we can be happier,” Sugawara said flippantly, “you’ll fix me and we can finally move on.” 

“Suga.” Daichi warned, his tone harsh and clipped. 

But Sugawara didn’t listen. 

“Can we think about our future when I’m fixed?” He asked, sitting on the dressing table to wait for Daichi who was still fully dressed. “Like, kids and pets and getting married, living together in happiness.” 

“At this rate we won’t ever think about our future.” Daichi ground out, forcing Sugawara to a halt. “You can’t be fixed. There’s nothing to fix. Stop with this mindset that you’re going to get better and go back to those days before your accident because that won’t happen.” He punctuated the last three words. 

Then he watched Sugawara’s façade slip away. 

“Would it kill you to humour a broken man?” 

The room quickly felt like one-thousand degrees, their anger melding together to create a maelstrom of unspoken words and a hatred towards one another’s portrayal of the situation. 

“No, because you’ll never get better if I continue to humour you.” 

“So now you want me to get fixed?” Sugawara’s voice was like venom. 

“For fuck’s sake!” Daichi finally roared, swiftly unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it from his shoulders. “You. Don’t. Need. Fixing.” 

“You don’t know that!”

“I do know that!” Daichi fired back, his temper from the provocations over the last month finally wearing him down into a frenzy. “I’ve always been supporting you, Suga, I’ve always been trying to help you get better! But you don’t need fixing, how many times have I gotta tell you?!” 

Daichi didn’t expect the hard sting on his cheek, nor the teary eyes glaring at him with hatred. Upon seeing the hand rearing back once more he reached for Sugawara’s wrist, gripping it tightly and not letting him gain any ground.

“Let go of me!” 

“Don’t hit me, Suga,” Daichi warned, feeling Sugawara struggle to reach a connection between their skin once again, “if you hit me one more time I’m gone. I promise you that right now!” 

He heard and felt the small gasp Sugawara made, it felt like the air around them was completely taken in with his small inhale, his arms going slack in Daichi’s hands.

“Listen to me now, I want to help you; I don’t want to leave you like this, I can’t give up on you.” Daichi could feel his tears nearly overflowing. “But if you hit me, if you start to use any type of abuse to sway my decisions then I’ll walk away without a second glance.” 

He felt the warm salty water escaping his eyes but he didn’t break Sugawara’s gaze. 

That was it, that was his ultimatum, but he prayed that Sugawara was strong enough not to make him walk away.

He involuntarily sniffled as his breathing hitched in his throat.

He watched as Sugawara’s eyes crumple and his brows drop as the realisation set in, his lip quivering, he desperately chewed at his lips as small sobs racked his body. 

“I’m sorry, Daichi, please don’t leave,” Sugawara cried, “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”

He continued to ramble his apologies to Daichi, the idea of losing his biggest support hurting his heart and making him feel further from recovery than ever before. 

Daichi’s tears came harder as he watched Sugawara’s torn world slowly tearing at the seams, he realised soon after that constantly asking to be fixed was Sugawara’s way of holding onto a part of himself from before his trauma. 

It had been a coping mechanism all along.

He quickly scooped Sugawara up into his arms, holding him close to his chest and shushing him soothingly, situating them both on the bed. 

“Suga,” Daichi said, trying to steal Sugawara’s attention, “Suga, hey, look at me.”

“Daichi, I’m sorry!” 

“I know, c’mon, I’m sorry too.” Daichi said, scattering kisses along everywhere that he could reach.

Sugawara buried his face into Daichi’s shoulder, continuing to sniffle and hiccup.

“Listen to me,” he demanded with a soft tone, directing Sugawara’s eyes to his, the brown orbs glancing between his lips and his eyes as he spoke, “I know that you see yourself from before the accident and you desperately want to be that man again. But you can’t be that man again, not on a psychological or physical level.” 

Daichi’s hands smoothed over Sugawara’s blade. 

“If I somehow managed to magically fix you, would your leg come back?”

“If it was magic, yeah.” Sugawara scoffed, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. 

“You know what I mean.” 

“I do, it wouldn’t come back. So I’d never truly be me.”

“You would, but why are you so scared of becoming a new you?”

Sugawara sat in silence, contemplating Daichi’s question. Why was he so scared?

“What if people don’t like me?” 

“Well if you don’t try how will you ever know?” Daichi asked, lining his hand up with Sugawara’s, matching their fingers and gently playing with his hand. 

“The fear is enough to keep me here.” 

“That’s not the Sugawara I know.” Daichi said, bringing his hand to his lips, kissing his ring finger before biting just hard enough to leave a small bruise. “What type of wedding have you always wanted?” 

Sugawara looked at Daichi in a way that made Daichi feel like he had two heads. 

“Honestly, my ultimatum to you includes this, it includes our future.” 

“How on Earth can you just say that?” Sugawara asked in amusement. “Holy hell we’ve been dating for less than a month.”

“So? If we don’t treat a relationship like it’ll last then what’s the point?”

Sugawara was quiet for a moment before responding.

“Autumn. An Autumn wedding.” 

“And kids?” 

“Two.” 

“Pets?”

“Every stray I ever meet.” 

Daichi laughed, holding Sugawara closer. 

 

In the months that followed, the dance competition continued. Sugawara and Daichi maintained their third place, eventually taking second. 

Before they knew it they were into the semi-finals with two other couples, and the dance was being held on Halloween. 

So that was the theme. 

“So, what song should we do this time?” Sugawara asked, sitting in the quietest corner of the coffee shop. 

“Hm, what about The Headless Waltz?” 

“Sounds Halloween-y, I like it. So Waltz as well?”

“Why not?” Daichi asked. “It should be fun.”

“Can I wear creepy makeup?” 

“Sure, although I can’t promise that I’ll find you scary.” 

Sugawara snorted into his hands before taking another bite of his breakfast muffin. 

“You’ve seen me first thing in the morning, nothing is scarier than that.” 

The pair continued to pass comments at one another, enjoying the quiet morning before they began their practice. 

They stepped out into the cold air just ten minutes later. Sugawara shivered from the cold as they began walking down the street. 

The next thing Sugawara knew, he was on the floor, his left knee aching and his hands raw. 

“Suga?” Daichi asked, turning around to find him on the ground. “Are you okay?!” 

Embarrassment overtook Sugawara’s mind and body as he scrambled back up, refusing any help from his now very concerned boyfriend.

“I’m fine.” He said hurriedly, rushing to escape the street as fast as he can, but now he could feel his left knee oozing blood onto his pants and it was chaffing horribly. 

“Suga, wait, what just happened?” 

“Daichi, drop it.” Sugawara almost whined, trying to keep his voice level and fight back the tears in his eyes. 

“Suga--” 

“I don’t know!” Sugawara hugged his arms close to his chest, feeling exposed and vulnerable. “I don’t know…” His voice cracked at the end as the fear of the situation took hold. 

“Let me get you home, Suga.” Daichi said, wrapping his arm around Sugawara’s waist in support. 

“What about practicing?”

“We always have tomorrow.”


	19. Heart Stopper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The physical problems that can come about from emotional stress.
> 
> And you may notice the chapter limit TT_TT it snook up on me so fast! so I'm in the process of writing the epilogue as we speak.
> 
> But fear not! I have two extra stories planned, a side story that takes place between the final performance and the epilogue, and then a sequel. I won't reveal to much though, spoilers ;)

Sugawara and Daichi continued to practice despite the fall, the semi-finals came and went, their Halloween themed Headless Waltz scored them the most points so far.

They were into the final. 

Now they had to choreograph two dances to show off their versatility. 

“I wanna do the Paso Doble and a Salsa.” Sugawara said, idly looking through videos for references as he lay beside Daichi. 

“That’s all well and good, but what about songs?” Daichi asked, wrapping his arms around Sugawara’s waist and peering over his shoulder at the phone screen. 

“Well Oikawa is gonna send me some of the song’s he’s planned on using but ended up not needing them.” Sugawara explained, resting his head on Daichi’s shoulder and looking up at him. 

“And what about you?” Daichi asked, almost sternly. “We still don’t know what made you fall that time.” 

“I have a check-up in a few days, I’ll be fine. Promise.” 

“Okay,” Daichi conceded, “do you want to start practice later?” 

“If my ass will let me, yeah.” Sugawara said with a coy smile and Daichi rolled his eyes, an amused grin taking over his features. 

“I don’t know why it’s hurting, Suga, you won’t let me near it.” Daichi returned, watching Sugawara’s skin turn scarlet at the rejection of his advance.

Then again, Sugawara was grateful for the rejection, it meant Daichi would keep him on track for their final performances.

 

Sugawara hit the floor with a thud and whined in pain. 

“C’mon, Dai, you’re meant to have good hips to stop me falling.” He said, rubbing the back of his head. 

“I’m sorry,” Daichi replied, taking Sugawara’s hands and pulling him up, “it’s just really difficult, I keep panicking about the next move.” 

“You’re not really gonna hold me by my throat,” Sugawara reassured, dusting himself off, “you’re hands are just gonna be there to give the illusion. The rest of it is my fabulous body strength.” He ran his hands down his sides to prove a point. 

“I know, I know,” Daichi pulled at his hair, frustrated that he couldn’t master the move despite supporting Sugawara to jump almost his own height just seconds before, “from the top?” 

“From the top!” Sugawara said with a grin.

 

Sugawara and Rantsurī walked into the hospital the next morning to see Doctor Bambi, after all that she’d done for the family Sugawara also wanted to invite her to watch the final. 

Sugawara wasn’t stupid. He knew something was wrong, he hadn’t told Daichi but he’d blacked out numerous times after that first one. They were all the same, he felt a strange flutter and then he fell to the ground. He’d come to almost straight away but he’d never have any memory of how he came to be on the floor. 

“Are you okay, Koushi?” 

“Of course, mama, just nervous.” Sugawara lied, well, it was half a lie, he was nervous, but not about being at the check-up, more what they’d find.

“Sugawara Koushi?” Doctor Bambi called, the half-Italian woman waiting at the door to her office. 

Sugawara stood, waving to his mother before following the doctor into the room. 

“So, Sugawara, how are you feeling today?”

“Um, t- today I feel okay…” Sugawara stammered, “but I’ve been having blackouts…”

Bambi looked at Sugawara. 

“Are you eating properly?”

“I am now, I- I think.” 

“Can I check your blood pressure?”

“I guess so.” Sugawara said, watching as the doctor reached for the measure, wrapping the Velcro arm wrap around his bicep, beginning to pump the small air bag until it tightened around Sugawara’s arm to almost unbearable pressure. 

“Your blood pressure is slightly elevated, but not enough to cause any adverse effects. I have a feeling why it’s a little raised, do you know what I’m talking about?” 

“I think so…” Sugawara said, unable to make eye contact with her. 

“An anxiety disorder caused by traumatic experiences.” 

“Yeah, it’s been rough.” 

Doctor Bambi nodded her understanding, reassuringly stroking the back of his hand. 

“Would you like me to refer you to someone who can help?” 

“Based on how I am today, I’d say no, but I’m not stupid, I know I’m not okay.” 

“They I’ll talk to you some more about that shortly, for now, let’s try and find out what’s causing the blackouts,” Bambi moved herself again, fetching a small yellow needle and a blood sugar reading machine, “may I?” 

Sugawara nodded and looked away. 

“Sharp scratch.” Sugawara nearly jumped as he felt the small needle pierce the tip of his right pointer finger. “Done.” 

Doctor Bambi swiped at the blood with a small piece of paper slotted into the machine, the blood absorbing up to a blue line and a reading popping up onto the screen. 

“That’s perfectly fine.” She handed him a tissue to apply pressure to the pin-prick before attaching an oxygen and heart rate monitor onto his left pointer. 

She then busied herself with setting up an internal temperature thermometer, inserting it into his ear.

“Your temperature is fine.” She checked his oxygen and heart rate. “Oxygen levels are good, heart rate is slightly elevated. Can I check you pulse?” 

Doctor Bambi removed the equipment from Sugawara’s finger and ear, sitting down in front of him and placing her forefinger and middle finger onto his wrist pulse point, watching her wrist watch. 

Sugawara also watched, and after a full minute she let go of his wrist. 

“Okay, I’m finding abnormal pulse rate. Can I listen to your heart?” 

Sugawara nodded as she picked up the stethoscope and lifted his shirt enough to place it over his heart. 

She listened to another minute before looking at Sugawara. 

“Do you have an plans today?” 

Sugawara’s fear spiked, why? 

“I- I have dance practice with Daichi.” 

“Cancel it, you need to get checked by a cardiologist.”

“H- Huh…?” Sugawara felt his body temperature drop, that was bad, wasn’t it? 

Did he have a heart problem?

“It might just be something mundane, due to stress. Or it could be something more sinister.” Doctor Bambi explained as she walked out into the waiting room to where Rantsurī was waiting. “But it’s best to get it checked and get it treated regardless.” 

Rantsurī looked up and saw the pair, immediately standing a the concerned look on Sugawara’s face. 

“We’re just taking him down to the cardiologist, Rantsurī-san, there’s a minor blip.” 

“Oh, is Koushi okay?” Rantsurī asked, concern lacing her voice. 

“I’m pretty sure that he’s okay, but I want to check to be on the safe side.” Bambi explained, taking the two Sugawaras up onto the cardiology ward. 

Rantsurī took her son’s hand, squeezing lightly as they stood behind the doctor, she spoke with her peers at the cardiology desk, giving Sugawara’s details as well as the results from her check-up. 

“I have my next patient now, Sugawara-san, but I’ve pencilled you in for three PM, the doctors and nurses here will check you over and send the results over to me, okay?” 

“Okay, thank you Doctor Bambi.” 

 

The morning and afternoon travelled with an odd, indistinct pace, for Sugawara the waiting was doing nothing to ease his worry, time dragging while the procedures going so fast. 

First he had an electrocardiogram, they settled him on a bed before attaching electrodes to his body, three on his chest, two on his left side, one on the back of each hand, two on his right thigh above his prosthetic, an alternative to where they should've been fitted on his ankle, and one on his left ankle. 

He sat completely still before being ushered out into the waiting room, still sticky from the small lubricated tabs he’d just removed from his body. 

An hour later he was called into have a ultrasound, the woman asked him to remove his shirt and lie on the bed. She applied the cold petroleum gel to his chest and began observing the white and black smudges on the screen, all the while the sound of his heartbeat filtered out into the chilled room. 

The final test was a heart trace, similar to the first but with less tabs, a machine was fitted to the belt of his pants and electrodes were placed two on his chest and one on his side. They were secured with dressing tape but his naturally sweaty skin meant the adhesive failed to keep them in place. 

He found himself strapped with masking tape around his body. 

By three in the afternoon he was ready to go and visit Doctor Bambi once more. 

“Hello, Sugawara-san,” she greeted as she welcomed him into the office, once he was sat down, with his mother this time, she began, “well, it’s good news. Both the tests so far haven’t shown any sign of issues that would limit your activity, we’ll just need to wait for the seventy-two hour heart trace results.”

“Okay, thank you.” Sugawara said, so happy that the results weren’t bad. 

“Go and enjoy the rest of your day, Sugawara-san, you can return the tracer here in three days, it should die when the 72 hours are up so just bring it then.”

“I will, thank you Doctor Bambi,” Sugawara smiled, “thank you so much, have a nice day.”  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had experience with the procedures that Suga's had in this chapter, a lot of experience. So I know that a doctor wouldn't send a patient straight over, my referral took a little under two weeks but because Bambi is already based at the hospital she's done it as if he was an A&E entry, that way he can get seen to be a cardiologist immediately. 
> 
> The ECG tabs are the most annoying things in the world, every time I have a new test I can guarantee I'll miss one and find it a few days later. Once I found one a week later, and by that time I'd had TWO showers, but it was on my side and slightly onto my back, so somehow, despite it being bright blue, I missed it. 
> 
> The ultrasound was cold, but it was pretty cool to hear my heartbeat in the same way my parents did before I was born, and it was also cool to watch the screen as my heart pumped my blood around my body!
> 
> The last test, the 72 hour trace, that was the bane of my life. Just like Suga my skin is naturally sweaty, I had to wrap masking tape around my chest just to keep these three tabs in place, but because the masking tape would get tangled up in itself I had to change it twice a day. Even after roughly a year I still have scars from where the adhesive constantly being pulled off and reapplied caused blistering so deep that by the third day I was bleeding.


	20. The Final

“Okay, Sugawara-san, I’ve been informed by the cardiologists that you have sinus tachycardia, and unifocal ventricular ectopics. Both are benign conditions that can be easily controlled by medication.” Doctor Bambi explained. “You’ve been discharged from cardiology and the medicine should start working in time for you to take part in the final.” She beamed.

A week ago Sugawara had given in the three day trace, and knowing now that his heart was okay made everything easier for him. 

“Thank you doctor!” 

 

Sugawara watched on as the first couple danced, they’d also chosen Latin and Rhythm dances, but they were different to Sugawara and Daichi’s.

He stared at the other couple, watching their flawless execution of the Samba, his nerves rising. 

He looked into the audience, seeing his mother, his doctor, and Daichi’s parents, his support system all there to get him through. 

A warm hand on the small of his back made his turn to see Daichi. 

“Ready?” 

“Ready!” Sugawara said, ignoring the shake in his hands. He turned back to the stage, seeing the couple had finished.

Daichi took his hand and they walked out and along to the judge’s podium. It was then that Sugawara heard one voice louder than all the rest, turning to see Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Akaashi, Bokuto, Kuroo, Kenma, Kiyoko, Yachi, Ennoshita, Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Asahi all sat just a few rows away from his family. 

It filled him with confidence as well as making his nerves peak and his body jolt. 

The music began overhead, the fun sounding beat growing as Sugawara and Daichi locked hands, dancing along the floor and moving around each other’s bodies as they went. 

Daichi dropped to one knee, allowing Sugawara to continue across the floor, spinning, his flowing sheer lace tie around his waist swirling around him in a flurry. He stopped spinning, kicking his left leg towards Daichi as Daichi climbed back to his feet and their arms reached up above their head before locking together again.

Daichi spun Sugawara in his arms before side stepping with him four steps left, and then four steps right. He pushed Sugawara out and Sugawara pushed off against his chest, the pair squaring their shoulders and standing at a face-off. They mirrored each other’s movements, legs kicking and sharp arm movements. 

Sugawara ended up being behind Daichi, his hands sliding across Daichi’s exposed chest and earning whistles and applause from the crowd before spinning out and situating himself on the floor next to a thick sash of ribbon. 

Daichi took the other end, pulling Sugawara along the floor. He rounded on his boyfriend and gripped his hands, swinging him along the floor and bringing him onto his feet.

They squared off once more, walking in a circle around each other, Daichi’s hands reached up to cup Sugawara’s cheeks, Sugawara’s arms going between Daichi’s and separating them, pushing twice with each hand against Daichi’s chest. 

Daichi spun Sugawara around his body, lifting him as he fought against him. They locked hands and made a quick side step towards the judges. Sugawara spun out and pushed against Daichi’s chest with both hands, emphasising the movement of his shoulder blades as he pushed him backwards. 

He pounded his fists next, Daichi grabbing his wrists and spinning him round. Sugawara’s face erupted into a grin as he joined in with the dance once more, Daichi clapping his hands above his head while Sugawara danced around him, hand skating along his abdomen. 

The waltzed along the floor of the dance hall, the moves fast but calculated. The dance was heated, the pair chest to chest while shimmying their hips, Sugawara eventually changed position, pushing Daichi backwards again and they fell into step beside one another. 

Sugawara gripped the sheer fabric at his waist once again, flicking it backwards as his left leg kicked forward, Daichi’s arms in the air as he also kicked. They locked their bodies together again and danced along the floor, spinning quickly, maintaining a tight form, and moving across the floor at speed. 

Sugawara cupped Daichi’s face as Daichi gripped his shoulders, their chests still tightly locked together while their lower bodies moved apart and back in.

Daichi pulled away, half-pirouetting across the dance floor and Sugawara ran after him as Daichi sunk to his knees, he pulled on Sugawara and Sugawara slotted perfectly into his lap and as the final beat of the music drifted out across the room their lips met in a passionate kiss. 

They were both breathing hard as the audience burst into applause, but all Sugawara could hear were the people who mattered. 

His breath came hard as Daichi helped him to stand, pulling him close and walking to the side to see their scores. 

“You were beautiful, well done.” Daichi gasped, kissing behind Sugawara’s ear. 

“Thank you,” Sugawara breathed, looking up at Daichi and kissing his cheek, “it’s amazing that everyone came.”

“It’s because they all care about you, Suga.”

 

Sugawara and Daichi headed backstage to change, they couldn’t afford to have any loose clothing for their second dance. 

The first couple took to the stage as they started their second dance. 

Sugawara went into his changing room to change, seeing the haunting crack in the corner of the room where the wall met the ceiling. 

“It’s not gonna fall.” Sugawara told himself, beginning to undress so that he could switch into his second costume.

He felt an incredible sense of paranoia roll over his body as he changed into the colourful, ragdoll-haired outfit. 

His hand shook as he brushed his hair back and secured it, he then applied the colourful glitter paint to his hair line and framing his eyes. He had to redo the paint several times due to his trembling hands, his eyes wandering back to that crevasse on the wall.

A knock on the door shook him from his paranoia and he hurried to open it. 

“Are you ready?” Daichi asked, he was also now wearing his own colourful clothes, his hair slicked back and his hairline and eyes decorated with the same glitter as Sugawara. 

“Yeah.” Sugawara steadied himself, walking out and taking Daichi’s hand. 

A loud crash made Sugawara jump and latch onto both of Daichi’s arms, the pair turning to see a step ladder being leant against a wall by several builders. 

“You’ll be okay.” Daichi said, kissing Sugawara’s temple, barely avoiding the glitter paint. “I’m here” 

They both waited in the wings as the other couple finished their dance and stepped over to the judges to receive their feedback.

They waited until the couple were finished before taking their places, both of them sitting on the floor as a quiet drone quickly grew louder, Daichi rolled his body upwards from his feet to his shoulders, standing upright as he went. 

He turned and helped Sugawara to stand, the pair walking across the floor, chests together and fingers entwined. 

Sugawara lifted Daichi’s hands so they ran through his hair and down onto his shoulders, he then rested his own arms on Daichi’s shoulders, draping over him. Sugawara rolled his body against Daichi’s, as Daichi held his hips, and flipped his hair around, for once grateful that he hadn’t cut it. 

He took a step back, and then another step forwards, twirling in his arms and taking both his hands. 

They moved their bodies together and Daichi spun Sugawara counter-clockwise once, before clockwise twice, they bent their knees and shimmied their hips, Sugawara swinging his left arm upwards and out, and Daichi swinging his right. 

Sugawara’s right arm went around Daichi’s left shoulder and they held hands while the rest of their bodies pulled apart, Daichi spun Sugawara against his chest, Sugawara’s back was tightly pressed against Daichi’s front and he rolled his body against Daichi’s. 

They held hands as Sugawara led Daichi forward three steps and they stood next to each other, side stepping quickly back in the direction they came from. 

The rolled their bodies again side by side before looking at each other, they wiggled their hips and spun again, stopping to face one another and they moved in tandem, Daichi caressing Sugawara’s thigh and Sugawara caressing Daichi’s lower back and hips. 

They passed one another, Daichi taking Sugawara’s place and Sugawara took Daichi’s, Daichi then took Sugawara’s hands and Sugawara jumped, letting his legs fall through and between Daichi’s, the other man using his strength to make Sugawara spin as he went between Daichi’s legs. 

Daichi spun, lifting one leg over Sugawara just as Sugawara sprang back into the air, doing a splits mid-air and landing with his prosthetic outstretched and his other leg tucked under himself before jumping into the air once more, lifting his legs into another splits, which made his jump as high as Daichi was tall. 

He spun in the air with Daichi’s help, locking his legs around Daichi’s torso as he approached his front and leaned right back until he was upside down, his head just centimetres from the hard parquet floor. He sat back up, releasing Daichi’s hips as his feet hit the floor. 

Sugawara turned round again so he was facing away from Daichi he let his upper half fall backwards, letting Daichi’s hand catch his head, he bounced up once more before Daichi catching him again. This time as Suga went backwards Daichi spun, catching him on his hip before letting his neck slip down his leg and catching him with his shoe.

He kicked upwards, catching Sugawara’s neck and letting Sugawara take over as he moved backwards and forwards, Daichi’s hand holding hardly any weight as his knees bent and his body moved backwards and forwards. 

Sugawara rolled back into an upright position, it didn’t last long though. Daichi gripped Sugawara by his torso, cradling his torso and his legs as he spun Sugawara’s body around his neck and upper body. Finally dropping Sugawara to the ground and pulling him close, his hands landing on Sugawara’s lower stomach. 

Sugawara laughed, pulling Daichi into a kiss as the crowd cheered again. They made their way to the judges for their verdicts, the pair out of breath and heavily leaning on one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the epilogue to go~


	21. Burning Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I sorta lied. Only sorta because I said the last chapter to go was the epilogue, but I ended up not being happy with how the main story ended. 
> 
> So here's the final chapter of the main story, the next chapter will definitely be the epilogue.

They’d won. 

They’d won the dance competition with their double performance. 

Their shorter, more daring routine sending them ahead of the other couple. 

Even in the after party at Daichi’s family home Sugawara couldn’t quite believe it, the party was a daze of his friends and family causing not unwanted trouble. 

By the time it was over he was almost glad. 

After waving everyone off he and Daichi headed upstairs to Daichi’s room, well and truly exhausted but riding the high from success. 

They went inside the bedroom, Sugawara moving to the bed to take off his prosthetic and do his evening care routine. 

“Want some help?” Daichi asked, kneeling in front of him to help unscrew the fiberglass, silicone, and metal leg. 

“Thanks…” Sugawara said, a smile decorating his face from his mouth, to his cheeks, to his eyes; crinkled at the corners.

He watched as Daichi went into the bathroom and returned with a washcloth and talcum powder. 

“Y- You don’t have to.” 

“I want to, I’ve seen you do it enough times to know what to do, you just relax.” 

“Okay.” Sugawara conceded, unable to hide the burn in his face as Daichi kneeled back down.

Daichi gently washed his leg down with the damp cloth before massaging the powder into the stump with gentle caresses and soft touches. 

“Is that okay?” Daichi asked, resting his warm hands on Sugawara’s thighs and looking up at him. 

“It’s perfect, thank you,” Sugawara smiled, curling over his own legs to lean down and meet Daichi’s lips, wrapping his arms around Daichi’s neck.

The kiss started as a quick peck to Daichi’s lips, but each time Sugawara went to pull away he decided against it until it became languid and passionate. 

“Are you sure?” Daichi asked with a slight gasp, Sugawara smiled down at him, running his fingers through his close-cropped hair. 

“I’m sure, you can make my ass hurt now we don’t need to dance.” 

Daichi couldn’t hold back the small huff of laughter, moving to sit beside Sugawara on the bed. 

No sooner had he sat down, Sugawara moved to the head of the bed, almost disappearing into the copious amount of pillows on the fully made bed making Daichi laugh as he crawled along the bed to meet him. 

“Shut up, you didn’t have this many pillows last time!” 

“My bed's always had this many pillows.” He snickered, lifting Sugawara from the crevice he’d fallen into and rearranging them. 

“So why haven’t I seen them before?” 

“You’re gonna do this now?” Daichi sighed in amusement. “It’s because sleeping on this many pillows would totally fuck with my neck, so I only leave a couple on.” 

Sugawara mumbled something hardly audible, making Daichi pitch forward to hear him. 

“What?” 

“Tell the pillows to fuck off, fucking with your neck is my job.” 

There was a silence for less than a few seconds before Daichi began laughing again. 

“Alright, I’ll tell them to back off. But how are you gonna fuck my neck?” 

Sugawara buried his face into his hands, a low giggle escaping his lips. 

“I’m not gonna fuck your neck, you asshole. But I can fuck it up with hickeys and shit.” 

Sugawara’s arms braced around Daichi’s neck once again, pulling him down and latching onto just below his ear, softly biting and sucking. 

“There!” Sugawara laughed at the red bruise, marvelling his handy work. “Revenge for the other time! My mama wouldn’t leave me alone for days!” 

“Should I take responsibility?” 

“If you fucking want to.” Sugawara grinned, kissing Daichi’s neck again before leaving another bite, making Daichi’s breath catch slightly. 

He backed away from Daichi’s skin and pulled at his shirt, managing to get the fabric loose before shimmying out from underneath him.

“Lie down.” Sugawara said, sitting beside Daichi while he waited for Daichi to lie down. 

Daichi did as he was asked, but Sugawara could tell that he was concerned about hurting him. 

He hoped to ease his worry. 

Sugawara rolled to straddle Daichi’s hips, his hands skating along his pectorals and down his abdomen, making Daichi tremble slightly under his touch. 

“Don’t worry,” Sugawara soothed, shifting to hold Daichi’s face in his hands and kiss him softly, reassuringly, “I’m okay.” 

He felt the tension leaving Daichi’s muscles as he relaxed into the kiss, Sugawara let his hands fall from Daichi’s face and caress his throat down to his chest. Sugawara felt the small hitch in Daichi’s breath as he gently thumbed his nipple. 

He pulled away from the kiss, looking down at Daichi with a small, nervous smile. 

“I’m ready.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I know you won’t hurt me.” 

Daichi nodded, helping Sugawara out of his shirt and his three-quarter length khaki shorts. He eased Sugawara onto his back, ghosting touches along the inside of his thigh with his right hand and reaching over to his bedside drawer with his left. 

“Ooh, Daichi came prepared.” 

Daichi snorted at the voice Sugawara had used, hiding his face in the bedspread. 

“Please never do that again,” Daichi pleaded, “you sounded like Oikawa.” 

“How do you know what Oikawa sounds like?” 

“Are you kidding? We’ve been talking to him all night.” 

“Huh, true.” 

Sugawara watched as Daichi continued with what he was doing, coating his fingers with the bottle of lube, warming it up.

“What flavour is it?”

“Flavour? Lube can have different flavours?” 

“Yeah, it’s like ice cream.” 

Daichi snorted.

“And how do you know that? Oikawa?”

“Akaashi.” 

“Ah.”

Daichi palmed along Sugawara’s growing erection, distracting him as he massaged the lube against Sugawara’s hole. 

The noises that escaped Sugawara’s mouth made Daichi feel hot, made him want to rush, but he refrained, instead adjusting his pants by the waist to ease his discomfort. 

He observed Sugawara’s reactions, gently easing his finger inside and at the same time running his free hand along Sugawara’s erection. 

Sugawara’s breath hitched on an inhale and he reached up to wrap his arms around Daichi’s neck, tensing slightly.

“You okay?” Daichi asked, wanting to make sure.

Sugawara nodded, releasing the breath he was holding, his body relaxing. 

Daichi waited for a few more moments before moving his finger in passed the second knuckle, earning a gasp from Sugawara in response. He gently moved his finger in and out until Sugawara was no longer making any sounds of discomfort.

He withdrew just enough to line up a second lubricated finger, easing them gently inside Sugawara to the first knuckle and stopping to let him adjust. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Daichi mumbled, shifting to be face to face with Sugawara, the movement jostling his fingers and earning a rough moan from Sugawara, he kissed his temple before nuzzling him there, “you’re really amazing.”

Sugawara arched his back against Daichi’s hand and Daichi used this to push his fingers the rest of the way in, earning a deep gasp from Sugawara. 

Daichi scissored his fingers as he pumped them in and out, earning gasps and moans from Sugawara as he eased a third finger in beside the rest, stretching him out before finally removing his fingers. 

“Are you ready?”

Sugawara looked up at Daichi, his face flushed and a thin sheen of sweat on his body. 

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yeah.” 

Daichi finished undressing and slipped a condom over his erection, feeling the warmth along his skin; flushed down to his chest. 

He lined himself up with Sugawara’s entrance, gently easing inside him, Sugawara gripped his shoulders and wrapped his leg around Daichi’s waist, digging his heel into his lower back as Daichi bottomed out. 

They lay together for a few moments while Sugawara adjusted, he rolled his hips against Daichi’s, earning a moan from the latter. 

Daichi followed Sugawara’s lead, starting to move his hips and trying to find the right angle. 

Sugawara moaned, loud and uninhibited, making Daichi thrust in at the same angle, getting the same response. 

They rolled their hips together, hot breaths mingling as Daichi continued to hit Sugawara’s prostate. 

Sugawara felt heat beginning to pool in his lower abdomen and he began moving in tandem with Daichi, chasing his orgasm. 

His nails dug into Daichi’s back as Daichi’s hand gripped Sugawara’s length, pumping his erection again.

Sugawara moaned Daichi’s name, his muscles tensing and finally relaxing as he reached his release. 

Sugawara heard Daichi moaning above him as he tightened around his erection, Daichi’s movement becoming sporadic before finally slowing down. 

Sugawara could feel his heart racing, gasping to catch his breath as he looked at the head of hair in his immediate vision. 

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” he said, running his hand along Daichi’s shoulders, red lines and crescent moon-shaped dents littering his skin, “sorry.” Sugawara bashfully said, his face heating up as he moved his hands up Daichi’s neck and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“It’s all good,” Daichi groaned, pulling out and disposing of the condom, “you did say you wanted revenge.” 

Sugawara laughed and when Daichi had climbed back in beside him he grappled with him as best as he could, clinging to him not unlike a koala. 

“You’re right, I did.” 

“Are you feeling okay?” Daichi asked, turning to face Sugawara, wrapping his arm around his waist. 

Sugawara hummed in response, his eyes heavy as he buried himself into the plush pillows and moved closer to Daichi.

A part of his mind knew, it knew that from being on such a high, he would dip again. The thought filled him with dread but he didn’t feel afraid. Daichi’d love him regardless.

His sleep addled thoughts slowly petered out to a gentle hand smoothing through his hair. 

He didn’t feel the warm duvet covering his body, nor the even warmer body encasing his own. By then he was deep in slumber, pleasant dreams undisturbed by nightmares.


	22. Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the epilogue~~~
> 
> I hope this makes up for the rollercoaster ride of a story!!

The house lights dimmed as the music began, the audience eager to see the performance by International-level dancers, to watch in wonder as they repeated history on the polished white marble floor in the centre of the room. 

Small lights illuminated the stage, an opalescent blue and milky white filtering through the dry-ice mist filling the ground and adding an ethereal effect to the room. 

A tall and well-dressed man glided into focus, and just like his father before him, his movements were so fluid that he appeared to be floating. He turned to face the direction he had just came from, outstretching his right hand. 

The audience failed to notice the second presence in the scene before them until a white gloved left hand touched the man's, firmly grasping and pulling themselves into a waiting embrace. 

The pair released themselves as the melodic voice trickled down into the room, standing to face one another before falling into a waltz. The second man's prosthetic proudly on show as he danced with his partner, following the ebb and flow of the music, the vocals harmonising with their steps. 

Progressively, the dance became more aggressive and fast, more filled with sparks of lust. The audience remained silent, entranced by the display of hardship as well as deep trust before them. 

The dance began to lose pace, the pair spinning across the floor during a lull in the vocals, soft piano playing out. They made their way back to where they had begun their dance as operatic gospel grew steadily louder. 

The duo danced where they were, the smaller, silver haired man being carried under the slightly larger man’s arm before being brought back into his chest. The younger then pushed his lover’s firm body away, the gospel reaching its climax before petering out.

Audience members were silent until the very end, still mesmerised by the scene they had just witnessed. Television crews never stopped filming, following the pair of bodies in their waltz.

The house lights slowly raised once more and the dancers stood centre stage, the raucous cheers and a tidal wave of clapping and floral gifts swamping the stage as the judges gave their scores.

Perfect tens.

In many different homes all across the world people watched the International dance stars who’d defied all odds to get to where they were. 

A few miles from central Las Vegas, Oikawa and Iwaizumi watched on with pride, excitement growing at the thought of flying home the very next day to see their old friends. 

As did Akaashi and Bokuto on their honeymoon in Italy, eyes glued to the screen in the hotel lobby as they waited for their taxi to take them to the airport. 

Kuroo and Kenma were mid-flight, watching the dance on Kenma’s iPad, the Cellular data giving them a HD and unbuffered view of the beautiful dance.

Just like everyone else, the dance group from the abandoned pool now had a fully functional studio, the dance being shown to the community for free on a large projector board attached to a laptop.

Back in the ballroom Daichi and Sugawara’s eyes landed on a group of people in particular, their unwavering support system that was their parents. 

Hotaru was leading a standing ovation, his wife watching on with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. 

Sugawara watched as his mother clapped with pride, he could tell she was holding back from running to him and enveloping him in a bear hug. 

Bambi was sat beside his mother, Sugawara had found out later that the pair had become close friends throughout his recovery, and once he was discharged from Bambi’s care they’d deepened their relationship further. 

His doctor was now his potential stepmother. 

Although, admittedly, there were two other people that played a large role in his and Daichi’s life now, and as they walked across the floor towards the backstage area Sugawara couldn’t wait to see them. 

 

They changed quickly, barely making it out of the changing area before being swamped by the press. 

“Sugawara, how does it feel to receive one of the greatest scores ever achieved in this ballroom?”

“Honestly?” He asked before continuing. “If someone’d told me I’d be here eight years ago I would’ve laughed in their face...so to know I’ve been here is amazing enough, the score is just the icing on the cake.” He beamed, watching as Daichi answered his own questions. 

“And how do you feel to know you’re the first dancer with a disability to dance in such a grand event?”

Sugawara thought for a moment, how did he feel? 

“Like any other dancer in my position would; my different ability doesn’t mean I think any differently. I’m proud to dance here, I’m awestruck, overwhelmed, and honoured to have had the opportunity to dance here.” 

“Do you have any advice for anyone watching who might be in the place you use to be?” The reporter asked.

“One day you’ll wake up and be happy that you kept yourself alive. You’ve got a lot more to live for, a lot more to give to this world, and a whole lot more to be than your broken history. I’ve made it to this stage to tell you it’s okay, hold on, stay strong, and never forget that I love you, even if I’ve never met you. You guys can do this!”

He caught a glimpse of his mother’s shining silver locks behind the press and held Daichi’s hand tightly, knowing they were about to be bombarded by feisty parents fuelled by love and pride, and even more feisty children high on excitement. 

“Daddy!” Came the first cry, Sugawara barely having time to brace himself before two children collided with his body.

“Yuuto! Tsubame!” Sugawara grinned happily, embracing the two young children. 

He quickly noticed the piece of fabric in Yuuto’s hair coming loose from it’s perch, most likely from his excitement. 

“Come here, my little marshmallow,” he cooed softly, picking the small boy up under his arms and placing him on his hip, “let’s fix that for you, must be uncomfortable, hm?” He supported him with one arm, the other adjusting the band on his head so it fit properly and was no longer loose or tangled up. 

“Thanks daddy!” Yuuto squealed, holding onto Sugawara’s neck tightly and Sugawara pulled the older Tsubame into his spare arm, giving her a gentle hug. 

“You’re very welcome,” he said with a kiss to Yuuto’s hairline, “were you both good for nannie Ran?” 

“Yeah!” Tsubame crowed, pulling away from Sugawara’s side and rushing to Daichi to give him an equally big hug. Daichi, however, had different ideas, pulling her up into his arms and situated her on top of his shoulders. 

“Oh Koushi, they were so well behaved!” Rantsurī praised, approaching with Bambi, Hotaru, and Chisane. 

“That’s what we like to hear!” Daichi laughed, gently squeezing Tsubame’s leg in acknowledgement before wrapping his arm around Sugawara’s waist.

 

The next morning Sugawara was awoken by two eager children bouncing onto their bed, he heard an ooft beside him, looking to see Yuuto sat on Daichi’s stomach. 

Sugawara barely contained his laughter as he watched a sleep-dazed Daichi looking around blearily. 

“Morning, love.” Sugawara said, kissing his cheek softly and Tsubame and Yuuto making noises of protest. 

“Ewww!” Tsubame squealed. “Public display!”

“You wanna see a public display?” Daichi teased, nuzzling into Sugawara’s neck and earning giggles and more weak protest.

“Want to get in, you two?” Sugawara asked, shifting towards the edge of the bed and Daichi did the same, making room between them for two tiny bodies. 

No more protests came from their children, the two climbing under the warm covers as the daylight filtered through the curtains. 

Sugawara cherished these moments, where the four of them could be alone, without questions and without fear of judgement. 

Despite their success, people would always judge. 

Should they really be working with two young children? 

Should they be shown on television at such a young age? 

Should he be married to his dance partner? 

He didn’t care. 

They could judge and think all they wanted.

He and Daichi had made their choice, and until it stopped working it wouldn’t change. 

“Suga?” 

Sugawara looked up from the two bodies huddled between them and to his husband’s now slightly more awake face. 

“Yes Daichi?” 

“I love you.” 

Sugawara was about to respond before two giggles escaped Tsubame and Yuuto’s lips. 

“I don’t know why you two find it so funny,” Daichi interrupted, looking down at the pair of children, “I love you both too.”

“Love you too, daddy!” Tsubame said.

“Love you too, daddy!” Yuuto was quick to copy his older sister.

“And I love you too, daddy.” Sugawara said, a loving smile on his lips as Tsubame and Yuuto cuddled closer, allowing the four to squish tightly together. 

Sugawara was now able to rest his head on Daichi’s shoulder, his left arm cradling Tsubame and Yuuto. His eyes gazed up at the picture positioned above the small fireplace in their bedroom.

It had been blustery that day, leaves of every warm colour robbed the confetti of it’s role, weaving around their feet on the green grass and falling around them throughout the ceremony, a large maple tree offering them shelter from the blinding Autumnal sunlight. 

They stood hand in hand, the single photograph capturing the moment they recited their vows. Daichi’s eyes were watery, with a watery smile on his wind-burned face. Sugawara’s own face was lit up by his crows feet crinkled eyes, equally wind-burned cheeks and nose as he belted out a cackling laugh. 

He remembered it well, he was laughing at Daichi’s fumbled words.

For the first time in eight years Sugawara felt okay. 

It might only last a day, or it might last a month.

But whatever came his way he was ready to face it. 

He did have the best support system, after all. 

His eyes landed on a crack just above their bed, he stared for a moment before looking at Daichi dozing off with the children tucked close to him. 

Sugawara picked up his phone, setting a reminder for later that day. 

Buy filler and paint. 

“Like hell I’ll let you fall.” 

He felt slight anxiety after his proclamation, what if he couldn’t? What if it fell?

Sugawara startled from his thoughts as he felt a warm hand encase his own colder one. 

“We won’t let it fall.” Daichi’s sleep filled voice mumbled as he tightened his grip on Sugawara’s hand in a reassuring squeeze. 

Sugawara smiled. 

“Yeah.” 

He really did have the best support system. 

They wouldn’t let it fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's stayed with me and supported this fic to the end, it means so much to know that people have enjoyed my story!

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/i-am-a-bit-of-a-crank)


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